Wednesday, 23 November 2016

Remains of the Day

The following is a transcript from Cardinal Munk, OVH's speech at the ceremony that was dedicated to the Kaiser last Sunday in the circle:

"Dearly Deranged, let us pray!

Tomorrow we'll commemorate the one hundreth year of the passing of His Majesty Kaiser Franz Joseph, Emperor of Austria, Apostolic King of Hungary, King of Bohemia, Dalmatia, Croatia, Slavonia, Galicia, Lodomeria, Illyria, King of Jerusalem et. and numerous other places that sound like they were made up by the Marx Brothers.

It  is through my spiritual channels that we have been allowed to cast respectful eyes upon his body today. The Capuchin Friars have "lent" us his remains for a few hours and they will immediately afterwards be returned to the Kaiser Crypt at the end of this ceremony, so enjoy the spectacle while it lasts, and get a good eyeful.

His Majesty the Kaiser was a man who lost practically everything during his lifetime, and then a lot more after he died. His son, the Archduke, committed suicide, his wife - the Empress and his nephew were both assasinated with consequences that led to the outbreak of the first World War, and the ultimate destruction of his empire. It was said that he lacked a sense of humour. Maybe that was a good thing because his life could be labelled as a bad joke.

But a century after his death his legacy has become the pillar of the Austrian Tourism Industry - where would the Austrians be without their Kaisersemmel, Kaiserschmarren, Kaiserschnitzel, Kaiserwetter and (thanks Lopsided Backside! - Ed.) Kaiserspritzer!


So let us reflect on what his Majesty would say if he were alive today.

What! There's movement! The Kaiser is alive!!! "Es war sehr schön, es hat mich sehr gefreut!"

Oh your Majesty, what do we have forward to look for in heaven?

(End of speech and ceremony)

(Of course MOM, who was supposed to speak aloud those Imperial Lines forgot them all.) Beer for all nonetheless afterwards. Wot - still no Moronic Pics available? Blimey! UPDATE: Video of the grand performance proudly included, courtesy of Moron Bros. Inc.

And, since I mentioned this briefly in the last entry, here is an old and short writeup about that notorious run that the King and his offspring set in March 2006 on the Leopoldsberg. St. Norman (OVH) still must have special recollections about that run, don't ask where I dug this up from:

"To all the Heroines and Heroes who made it to the Leopoldsberg and to all
the Sniveling Wimps who decided not to show up in the pouring rain, blank
ice and snow and MEGATONS of Mud, loose Rocks and rotten trees:
Thanks for being around with the Wonderful and Remarkable World's Worst.
Thanks to the Hares for showing us that there are more runs between the
Heavens and our planet than you might imagine. The climb up that hill must
have equalled the life of the WW1 soldiers wading up and down their
trenches, yet our hill seemed to be insurmountable at times .
The unlucky ones who got stranded in the midst of the Hill were bravely
rescued by G-String (newborn hero with his own song now), The King himself
and Smorgasm.
The endless wait for the rescued ones standing out there in the still
pouring rain and wind led to a few premature withdrawals (if I may say so).
The initial thought after getting back to the car park was that that run
would deserve the "Middle Finger Salute'" from the Agincourt Battle
but the warmth that followed consoled everybody out there I'm sure.
Those who left early had to miss out an impromptu and  hilarious circle with
special guests (chosen at random) a Happy Bus Driver (got a can of Fanta)
and - strengthening our friendly ties with the PRC (China) 5 hikers from
Shanghai took part in the circle, singing us their favourite songs."

Testing their limits a long time ago (Pic from March 2006)

Tourists from Shanghai on the Leopoldsberg in 2006

(St. Norman, not yet OVH in 2006):
A most appropriate description and I was pleased to survive the World
War 1 Run.

Again thanks to G-String (Last night a G-String saved my Life) who
provide a stick, then offer to carry me on his back, then pushed up that
hill. Also thanks to Smorgasm, how pulled me up. Then to King Ralph's
dog lead which I grabbed with one hand for the final precipice (a
different spelling would be better).

But of course ... its always the RA to blame for the weather, and trying
to blame others shows that he is failing in his duties. As soon as the
schedule comes out, then the RA must get working on the weather ... its
no good blaming the schedule! No mercy on him!

On Out.

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