Monday 28 November 2016

Of Limericks and Ischleriks

There is not much that I can say about yesterdays run starting inside the Burggarten mainly because I was not present and yet, a highly interesting form of literature loosely called Ischleriks (derived from those wonderful Limericks of course) was flying round and I am including a few of both for your regarded perusal:

Die Sisi sagt: "Weil ich so blad bin,
geh' heut' ich zu Fuß auf die Katrin."
Der Kaiser nickt stumm
und denkt sich: "Zu dumm!
Grad da wollt' ich heut mit der Schratt hin."

Die Schratt haucht: "Franzl, komm zu mir her!"
Der Kaiser sagt: "Später. Jetzt geht's grad schwer."
Sie ruft: "Sex ist doch wichtig!"
Sagt der Kaiser: "Schon richtig.
Aber nicht, wenn ich grad den Krieg erklär'."

"Ich sollte die Villa verkaufen.
Bad Ischl is' für mich g'laufen",
denkt der Franz, "dieses Pack hier
geht so auf den Sack mir!
Am liebsten tät' all's ich versaufen!"
(Antonio Fian, 18.11.2016)

(Okay, some inside knowledge about persons and places would be helpful, I know.)

Here is an example of an Anti-Limerick:

Now straight along Albany Street
Where the Clubs and Societies meet
You can learn Mandarin,
Dance or boxing within
I’m going to learn Salsa, because I like corn chips." 

Followed eventually by a classic Beer Limerick

It's not made in Germany, I know,

But give this good lager a go,

You'll be filled with wonder,

When tasting Dortmunder,

Thanks be to Great Lakes Brewing Co.

If anybody who attended yesterdays run wants to share any memories, your comments are welcome.

Thursday 24 November 2016

Jazz Radio

If you're into Jazz music as much as I am then I would like to point your attention to Radio Deluxe with John Pizzarelli, Jazz Guitar virtuoso and singer from New York. It is a weekly Internet radio show full of wonderful music and relaxed moderation. I had the latest show playing on my recent home office day. You could also listen to it while you're reading the Hash Blog ;-)
Much to be recommended.

This is a song from a record called Brazil he made together with Rosemary Clooney.

Wednesday 23 November 2016

Remains of the Day

The following is a transcript from Cardinal Munk, OVH's speech at the ceremony that was dedicated to the Kaiser last Sunday in the circle:

"Dearly Deranged, let us pray!

Tomorrow we'll commemorate the one hundreth year of the passing of His Majesty Kaiser Franz Joseph, Emperor of Austria, Apostolic King of Hungary, King of Bohemia, Dalmatia, Croatia, Slavonia, Galicia, Lodomeria, Illyria, King of Jerusalem et. and numerous other places that sound like they were made up by the Marx Brothers.

It  is through my spiritual channels that we have been allowed to cast respectful eyes upon his body today. The Capuchin Friars have "lent" us his remains for a few hours and they will immediately afterwards be returned to the Kaiser Crypt at the end of this ceremony, so enjoy the spectacle while it lasts, and get a good eyeful.

His Majesty the Kaiser was a man who lost practically everything during his lifetime, and then a lot more after he died. His son, the Archduke, committed suicide, his wife - the Empress and his nephew were both assasinated with consequences that led to the outbreak of the first World War, and the ultimate destruction of his empire. It was said that he lacked a sense of humour. Maybe that was a good thing because his life could be labelled as a bad joke.

But a century after his death his legacy has become the pillar of the Austrian Tourism Industry - where would the Austrians be without their Kaisersemmel, Kaiserschmarren, Kaiserschnitzel, Kaiserwetter and (thanks Lopsided Backside! - Ed.) Kaiserspritzer!


So let us reflect on what his Majesty would say if he were alive today.

What! There's movement! The Kaiser is alive!!! "Es war sehr schön, es hat mich sehr gefreut!"

Oh your Majesty, what do we have forward to look for in heaven?

(End of speech and ceremony)

(Of course MOM, who was supposed to speak aloud those Imperial Lines forgot them all.) Beer for all nonetheless afterwards. Wot - still no Moronic Pics available? Blimey! UPDATE: Video of the grand performance proudly included, courtesy of Moron Bros. Inc.

And, since I mentioned this briefly in the last entry, here is an old and short writeup about that notorious run that the King and his offspring set in March 2006 on the Leopoldsberg. St. Norman (OVH) still must have special recollections about that run, don't ask where I dug this up from:

"To all the Heroines and Heroes who made it to the Leopoldsberg and to all
the Sniveling Wimps who decided not to show up in the pouring rain, blank
ice and snow and MEGATONS of Mud, loose Rocks and rotten trees:
Thanks for being around with the Wonderful and Remarkable World's Worst.
Thanks to the Hares for showing us that there are more runs between the
Heavens and our planet than you might imagine. The climb up that hill must
have equalled the life of the WW1 soldiers wading up and down their
trenches, yet our hill seemed to be insurmountable at times .
The unlucky ones who got stranded in the midst of the Hill were bravely
rescued by G-String (newborn hero with his own song now), The King himself
and Smorgasm.
The endless wait for the rescued ones standing out there in the still
pouring rain and wind led to a few premature withdrawals (if I may say so).
The initial thought after getting back to the car park was that that run
would deserve the "Middle Finger Salute'" from the Agincourt Battle
but the warmth that followed consoled everybody out there I'm sure.
Those who left early had to miss out an impromptu and  hilarious circle with
special guests (chosen at random) a Happy Bus Driver (got a can of Fanta)
and - strengthening our friendly ties with the PRC (China) 5 hikers from
Shanghai took part in the circle, singing us their favourite songs."

Testing their limits a long time ago (Pic from March 2006)

Tourists from Shanghai on the Leopoldsberg in 2006

(St. Norman, not yet OVH in 2006):
A most appropriate description and I was pleased to survive the World
War 1 Run.

Again thanks to G-String (Last night a G-String saved my Life) who
provide a stick, then offer to carry me on his back, then pushed up that
hill. Also thanks to Smorgasm, how pulled me up. Then to King Ralph's
dog lead which I grabbed with one hand for the final precipice (a
different spelling would be better).

But of course ... its always the RA to blame for the weather, and trying
to blame others shows that he is failing in his duties. As soon as the
schedule comes out, then the RA must get working on the weather ... its
no good blaming the schedule! No mercy on him!

On Out.

Monday 21 November 2016

Gott certainly erhalte

There could not have been a more fitting run number which is 1867 to the classic run that King Ralph presented in the 14th district, at Wien-Hadersdorf. Why the fitting run number you ask? Read about the Austria-Hungarian compromise (Ausgleich) in that very year. Today is the centennial passing day of the Emperor Franz Joseph. Here is a very interesting article that characterises the man a bit.

One was reminded of days of long ago at the World's Worst when the King used the set real killer runs that would lead extremly steep up and/or extremly steep down and/or through abhorrent amounts of underwood/brambles and the likes. Setting out into the Augustinerwald at the western edge of Vienna with neighbouring villages Purkersdorf and Mauerbach nearby we were told that "you know, ve have valkers and runners bits and zey split from time to time so you can make up your own run". The brave amongst us, counting in Squeeze Box Mama, Joystick, Mr. Pink and some more left the concrete roads straight onto the ankle-deep mud and shiggy (only in parts in all fairness) forest paths that were leading a long way out to an area where the Morons once set another challenging run of their own, all the way up a VERY STEEP HILL. (Quote from the Hare:" You know I vanted to go all the vay up zat hill but then I thought this vould be too long.") Well, thanks for that.

I assume the other brave part of the pack i.e. the walkers had equal fun on their part of the trail until we all happily convened for a short song stop. After this it was on back on the other side of the main road (Mauerbachstraße) and onto some more muddy forest paths, eventually back on footpaths and passing by Schloß Laudon on the right until the carpark came in sight again. The circle featured an extensive ceremony which was conducted by Cardinal Munk, OVH. Six Coffin Bearers carried a dead corpse which was covered by the Imperial Flag and was carefully laid down on the ground. The Cardinal then held a moving speech (which will be posted here maybe tomorrow, together with an old writeup about a former King Ralph run) and then cameth the ressurection of - MOM (nowadays Ersatzkaiser).

Moronic Pics will be added when they are available (they are now available).


Returnee of the day was certainly Boom Boom Pecker who brought the sad news that one of the first VH3 Hash Hounds Otto von Pissmarck passed away at the age of 18. The same was reported of Hash Hound Gangster, Boxer a la bonheur of Swedish Origin. Rest in Peace, fellas. I herewith raise my beer in your honour.

Friday 18 November 2016

Moon is up

So there was a supermoon occurring, duly announced by Lord Glo-Balls, OVH and one has to say that the vision I had from the moon was close, clear and VERY pale. The mystery Hare was none other than Likk'm and the start point from the far end from the Stadtpark must have been an inspiration for every driver to secure a spot nearby. Well, we did pass by LGB's (OVH)'s mobile soon after the start.

Not much running tempo to write home about as within the entire pack, split up in small groups, there was no-one running. Or maybe I was so far behing that I did not notice. Anyhow, the positive thing for me personally after a 10-hour working day (shortly interrupted with a nice liquid lunch break) was the exercise, taking a long stroll through the better part of the 3rd district, on across the Schwarzenbergplatz and the Karlsplatz and eventually stopping over at the dreaded Christkindlmarkt am Rathausplatz.

Take my advice, dear readers near and far: This is not the kind of traditional Viennese Christmas market that you're looking for. There are enough other venues such as the Alte AKH, the Freyung, the Christmas Market am Hof or even the one am Karlsplatz are better fits for your seasonal needs. Take my word for it.

Senza parole

Quite a few took the nearest available tram back towards the Schwarzenbergplatz, a short walk back to the starting point and a circle with not too biq quantities of beer followed.  Any exercise spiked with beer is welcome so no real complaints here.


Sunday 13 November 2016

On n'oublie rien

Schellenhof, Schellensee, Kellerberg, all parts of the southern edge of the 23rd district where Hares Primadonna and Anita Hanjob started to-days run from the lower end of Kellerberggasse. Although this area is a mere 3 km from where we live I herewith admit that this very starting point was new to me.

The nice crowd of 30 or so started back to the Ketzergasse and fittingly on over that big main road called Triester Straße - Triest was not part of the Ostrich Empire for 600 years for nothing - further on past the Autometzker and eventually on towards that massive concrete Nightnare called the Shopping City Süd. I would assume this is easily the biggest shopping temple in Ostrichland and although the have places for 8000 cars outside their shops, especially on the weekends before Christmas there are always loads of cars cueing back onto the nearby Südautobahn.

The Hares obviously knew that in the next landmark on the trail called the Eventhotel Pyramide was the weekend of the annual Erotikmesse (Erotic Fair) yet there was no beerstop, neither inside nor ourside near the cashiers desk. After that cameth the Wienerbergteich, an area that drivers sometimes may or may not see when they drive down the A21 from the Gießhübl towards the A2 or the S1.
Look up the definition for Ziegelteich because that's what the Wienerbergteich is.


The last past consisted of some backroads at the end of Brunn am Gebirge, muddy fields and some more mud and at long last a Beerstop near the cellar of the former local Schellenhof Brewery.

History of the former Brewery presented by Primadonna (click to enlarge)

The way back to the carpark was short and the following circle with visitors from Illinois and Milano was not too long due to darkness quickly setting in. My thanks to the Hares for a truly entertaining run.


Friday 11 November 2016

The Frost is All Over

What about the frost? The temperatures in the Vienna area seemingly getting more mediterranean over the years and it is not unlikely that I could set an olive tree and an oleander into my garden and out from the pot.

A few days after the glorious St.Patricks Day(and Schweizerhaus opening day of course!) - you have guessed it that run covered here happened on March 20th - Hares Lopsided Backside and Beanman (survivor of Run # Uno in Vindobona in 1982 and a) still around and b) fit like a youngster) made us start near the Narrenturm in the Altes AKH in the 9th district, home of such establishments like the Stiegl Ambulanz or the Gangl Bierheurigen. You name them. Lovely surroundings. And difficult parking.

Painted all green on the inside!

A place well worth mentioning nearby is the Lane and Merriman's Pub in Spitalgasse, outside the Altes AKH where our great Host David threw many a merry St. Patricks private party for, well, a few. One can't say that this run lasted too long, after getting out of the area, on over the Ringstraße the Molly Darcy's Pub was the place of a long beerstop.

Bier her, oder wir falln um!
Some 20 more minutes after the Beerstop and this short run was already finished, with Irish Whiskey, Chips and Salsa. It was also naming time for Smoking Penis, alas no decent pics to document this historic moment.


There can only be one

With AGM Day behind us and some other elections elsewhere I would like to point that that the most popular bearer of a certain first name has certainly been around much longer than the other two important leaders of the same given name - at the World's Worst and elsewhere.


Monday 7 November 2016

Far from here

AGM Day is always something special, although in a different sense it is pretty much the same every year. I remember AGM days in the middle and late 1990s were held somehwere along Sieveringer Strasse, presumably being preceded by runs up the Cobenzl somewhere. There was even one AGM at a Heurigen in Perchtoldsdorf (my fault, I know) and after one or two such meetings at the former Gasthaus zur Reichsbrücke we successfully managed to institutionalize this event at the wonderful Gösser Bierinsel behind the Lusthaus in the Prater. Tradition also has it that the Hares are always GM + RA, perhaps the only occasion during the Hashing year that Richard Kopf will set a run voluntarily.

Frau Eva, our host for 14 years and her chef Jindra (Big Ben) are gone into their well-deserved reitrements, yet Herr Josef (Bier Herr) and the better part of the staff are still there and they were much delighted to see us again. Take into account that this place has been built/opened sometime in the late 19th century, there are simply not too many of these old-fashioned places around here any more.

The weather looked grimy with some decent rainfall so those who did not precede the run with a warm up beer inside the Gasthaus had been hiding within a small something that looked like a bus stop to me (Linie 77A). It was surprising to see Likk'mm around, a newbie called Lucky Me and the usual 25 or so AGM attendees (could have been more than that). In the rain Hares Multiple Entry and Richard Kopf decided to take the way alongside the Lusthauswasser and OnOnto a Ballantines Stop near the water, much welcomed by all. OnOn across the Aspernallee and a bit nearer towards the Prater Hauptallee. After a short swing across that main trafficless road it was straight on back to the carpark.

Me likeeeeey!!

No special happenings during the circle, yet at the AGM Casting Couch tried to get voted in as new GM, yet lost by a mere four votes to confirmed incumbent Multiüle Entry ("I promise more simplicity in the year to come!"), still CC get rewarded with the post og Vice GM. The usual other business with endless elections followed. Same procedure.Yet the Vindobona Hash will be hosting Eurohash next year. A very special occasion. Lots to write about in the weeks and months to come.

Assorted Moron Pics will be added when they're available. (They are now available).

Welcome to Funny Farm!

Saturday 5 November 2016

Bubbles in my Beer

Since the Schweizerhaus closing day has just passed here is my short recollection of 2016 opening day, roughly describing the average beer drinkers routine:

Take the day off (of course!)

Get there by 10 a.m. and have your first beers at the beerplace across the road, the likewise wonderful Englische Reiter, where the real Hardcore people assemble in time.

Head towards the Schweizerhaus gates (still closed untl 11 a.m.)

Muscle your way into the garden (no sitting inside!) after the gates finally swing open at 11, ignore the TV cameras and the newspaper reporters.

Pray to the gods of your choice that your (our) good friend waiter Bertl has reserved a table for you under the moniker "Irland" like he always does.

Order your first beers and start the chitchat with fellow drinkers near you that will last for the rest of the day.

Order the Slowakische Krautsuppe mit Speck as some sort of late breakfast so you won't get too drunk too early. 

Watch MOM arrive, as he always knows about these clandestine dates without being told, as a tee-totaller he orders coke.

Ain't nobody here but us chickens

Listen to the Motovidlo Band from Prague doodling away.

Call up absent friends at random and make fun of them, it's FUN!

You may get spotted by journalists and the occasional interview could pop up the day after the opening.

Towards the evening and if you're still able to, walk (stagger) home, try to avoid falling onto the floor thereby cracking your glasses and/or torkling into lampposts outside the place, pass out and wake up in a hospital room (has all happened to various people).

Be happy to be alive and repeat this routine on closing day.

Without Rhythm

Some more catch up with my and this Chapters halfway recent past brings me to a run in early March that was set by King Ralph and Pop Ur Cork nearby the Prater, starting from "nearby Vivariumstraße" and the fact that this was a bright sunny day with half of Vienna strolling around that area made finding a parking spot an adventure.

A couple of weeks before that run there was a news article about a gentleman who would do a 10 kilometre run in a aroundabout for charity at an undisclosed venue as this sportsman did not want to attract tou much media and/or public attention (and cause minor traffic chaos). The same sportsman set a world record by running an astounding 852 kilometres during a few days on a running machine.

Meet the Beetles

Taking off from near the Prater we approached the Praterstern in no time and obviously King Ralph had been inspired by the aforementioned roundabout-addicted sportsman as he demanded the first and several following checkpoints (roundabout resembling areas) to be ran around in circles five times each, at least by those who pretended they could run accident free. Soon after followed that vast area where a from massive freight station - the Nordwestbahnhof - was once located, an area that is now being transformed into aresidential district with an endless array of appartment.

More ensuing checkpoints at more roundabouts, more running around in circles. Avery interesting area towards the end of the run was the local Stuwerviertel with a Circusmuseum being located at Ilgplatz (a round square, 5 rounds of running)

Somehow and at long last it was on back to the Prater area, then followed by a smallish circle, while the whole area was still jam-packed with the fair-weather walkers from all around.


Wednesday 2 November 2016

Walk with me

Ah, the Ski Week Solidarity run, by tradition (and one sure can invent new traditions as considered necessary) set and starting on the same date and time as the Ski Week Hash if only to Prevent Matter over Mind, a non-skiing regular on Skiweeks, from travelling back in time to Vienna to get an extra run credit.

Apart from one single year where Ice Queen and Slush Puppie have tried something completely different all the way out in Mauerbach it was mainly me and Cardinal Munk, OVH, coming up with live runs, with startpoints alternating between the Karlskirche and the Votivkirche.

Apart from previous years when I - being a lone Hare .- trusted the "Free Form fornat" without any reccie or plan for the run this time my Regarded Co-Hare arrived with a Big piece of paper fully scribbled on. That was his detailed plan for that enterprise, including more or less any sight and landmark of several inner-city districts. What the heck I thought, then I'd just carry the flour and next year will be my turn again. After what seemed a bit too long in terms of duration (80 minutes) we two arrived at the Schwarzenbergplatz and the consecutive wait for the Hounds felt like a drought within the deep blue sea. The beer provided was warm Ottakringer. Although beggars can't be choosers.

At long last Slush Puppie, Lord Glo-Balls OVH, I think I remember Pussy Schumi and three or four others arrived to help celebrate the 16th edition of this supportive run. OnAfter at Herlitschka. Remember the Bond movie "The Living Daylights?" Parts of it was filmed in Vienna and in one particular scene Sir James is driving his vehicle past Herlitschka.


On Out until next year. 

Tuesday 1 November 2016

Walk Right In, Walk Right Out

This is the first of a bunch of writeups trying to cover some ground on what has happened chez le World's Worst  in 2016. A pretty symbolic one happened in the middle of February in Gaaden opposite the local cemetery with Casting Couch and 2Bob setting the trail, a cemetery being the place where most Hashers will end up in all probability. (I am not writing this on All Saints Day for nothing).

Taking off into the nearby and wide-stretching forest area one could mainly see copious amounts of mud and some late winter scenery, alas without any snow. Given the ongoing climate change it may happen on one fine day that the Donauinsel shoreline will see the same beach buzz as, for instance, Queenslands Gold Coast? Would that alone be enough to lure the Sex-O-Phone family back to the Ostriches? Not even barely taking into consideration Mindphuck and all those other Vindobona Alumni, Minuteman et al? Before contuining this saga I will raise the following beer in your honour, extending my very best regards to all of you:

Greetings from the World's Worst Hash!

Way to go. After the usual amount of ups and downs there was this huge Villa somewhere in the middle of that forest, place of a biannual event of offroad enthusiasts and belonging to a family of importance. Some sort of law enforcement community means of transport could also be gazed at sometimes during the run.

Probably not suitable for chasing the Blues Brothers!

During the circle there a naming took place, this time of Just Mia and the Hashname that was awarded to her I can't recall anymore. Maybe someone could help me with this one? Tickpleaser?

We'll do it gentlemanly

Talking about gentlemen, OnOut.