Thursday, 8 November 2018

They're coming to take me away

AGM day, always on the first Sunday in November. And for the seventeenth consecutive year at our own World's Worst Hash House, the Gösser Bierinsel in the Prater, near the Lusthaus. Ice Queen had reached the Landmark of 1000 runs with the VH3 a few weeks earlier (search the blog for that September entry) and an induction ceremony into the OVH was announced at the end of the Hash circle.

Quite a short and standard-type run was set by GM Casting Couch and RA Morehair Richard von F-Kopf, leading alongside and around the Lusthauswasser and, with the possibility for the walkers to get back early to the carpark. And then it was time for the induction OVH ceremony for Ice Queen. Here comes the unabridged speech, given by all current members of the Order of the Vindobona Hash:

(Masthead election results I hear you asking? Einmal der Gigl, einmal der Gogl.)

The Order of the Vindobona Hash during the induction ceremony for Ice Queen

CM Before this auspicious ceremony can begin, I must announce that the Heilige Vindobona has taken a short visit to the land of the Holy Sea. Its replacement is related but not in name, it is its left hand.
Procession (the newest OVH first, … the first OVH)
LGB:  Will the Hasher presently known as Ice Queen step forward!
(Heilige Vindobona Bearer – Mother Superior ( HVB) puts the Holy Vindobona (HV) on ground and escorts candidate to the centre of the semicircle)
 LGB: Will you please kneel before us!
( HVB helps push candidate gently to her knees……Returns to the HV)
MH: Today you see before you an elite group of members who have completed a total of over 8,000 runs. The Order of the Vindobona Hash is here to acknowledge another candidate who has reached the 1000th run plateau. The candidate must first answer a series of questions before she is accepted amongst our hallowed ranks.
It gives me great pleasure to see her squirm before our very eyes ( HA , HA, HA, etc Laughs evilly ).
Prof.DDr: You currently bare the name Ice Queen, but we need to find out if you are worthy as a Female Royal? Examination is required to determine if you are wearing a chastity beat and also to verify your vital statistics. Rear Admiral will examine the back whilst I will examine the Udderside (Takes out a straw and starts jabbing it everywhere on the victim’s body.)                                                                     
BSN: No no dear Professor, that is not the way to treat the coming OVH. Dignity is required. Particularly amongst the OVH English Gentlemen. 
MH :Lets get on with this damn ceremony! Otherwise Cardinal Munk will bring out his Gong.
LGB: Not before I inquire into the financial status of the Candidate. After all we just don’t take the riff-raff,.She should have aristocratic  lineage or other exceptional qualities.
May I ask as to how much you have in your investments? I will be needing another car in the near future…. Can you assure me tax free status for life ?
MH: Enough of the frivolity. The questions will be asked.  The Candidate will place her hand on the Heilige Vindobona and reply with “I swear” to the following inquiries.
(Mother Superior puts the Heilige Vindobona in front of the Candidate)
Rear Ad:   Will you show yourself gentle and merciful to the poor, the drunken ,all dogs (including Slush Puppy) and even those who are at the Rear end of the pack ?
                           I swear
MH    Will you excite the Harriers in the circle, so much so that they get a stiff … arm ?
                           I swear
RAd    Will you bring on appropriate occasions, barrels of the best beer in Vienna from Salmbraü ? So then we can Frig in the Rigg’n.
                            I swear
BSN    Will you watch out for appropriate landmarks upon the trail, including the passing of water and particularly the number 69 ?
                            I swear
MH And now the final 3 questions, after which the name will be conferred : 
CM:   Will you look after the weak and needy, those who have fallen on the ice, and most importantly will you continue to be the holy hash nurse visiting me in hospital ?  
                         I swear
RAd:   Will you continue to roam’n through various Countries, spreading the word that Vindobona is still the World’s Worst Hash ?
                           I swear.
Prof, DDr,    Will you continue to empress eggs with your anatomy your over Slush Puppies head and perform all ceremonies required of your position including greeting Kaiser Franz alias Franzl?                                                             
                            I swear  
CM:    Candidate IQ, you have proven that you are worthy of the stately honour of being one of the OVH. You are the first Harriette who has achieved this distinction and are therefore the first and fastest lady. With your new elevation of rank also comes new responsibilities… ? Wearing your articles of office outside of specified festivities is forbidden. Otherwise you will be eternally spanked with that board thing you so graciously gave us commemorating your 1000th Run
So by the Authority vested in me and in the name of the Holy Vindobona and the power that which drives us to drink,
 We now officially proclaim you as
                                                             "HOLY ROAMIN´ EMPRESS”
The HV is handed to CM by HVB who then taps, right, then left shoulder then rubs head then passes the HV on to the other members of the OVH to do likewise.
After this is done CM says,   " Arise and receive your articles of office!."
Prof,DDr, BSN, HM assist the Holy Roaming Empress with her clothing of honour
LGB and RAd then help pin on the medal of the OVH.
CM:  Holy Roamin Empress, Go forth and spread the good works of the OVH!
Open bottles of Sekt  

Holy Roamin' Empress, OVH

Saturday, 3 November 2018

A Health to the Company

Certain traditions are being upheld chez le World's Worst and one such tradition is the gathering of likeminded drinkers at the opening and closing day ceremonies of the Schweizerhaus. The usual suspects, augmented by a surprise appearance of S*x Energy, Dodgy Condom, Lopsided Backside (right there from the beginning and many thanks for all the Halloween gear you brought along!) and MOM all had starting drinks at the Englische Reiter (another great beer place!) opposite the Schweizerhaus (before they open up their place) and punctually at 11 a.m. it was on over to our table.

Along came Nail Me, The Blessed Saint Norman, OVH together with Rowed Runner and even Morehair Richard von F-Kopf carried his Chopsticks onto the beery surroundings. A non Hashing friend Just Robert from the Netherlands, great photographer also stayed with and happily wrote me a few lines about his "heavy head" the next day. 'nuff written, here are a few pics. And the next opening on March 15 in 2019 will be on A Friday.

Another great beer place opposite of the Schweizerhaus 

Lopsided Backside 

Snappy dressing by a Non Harriette 

Very well known 

Nail Me and LB


Also not unknown

The ghost of Fritz Wagner? 

Shake it all about

Finnish Hokey Pokey occurred last Sunday in Vösendorf when Horsedick and Smoking P*nis, both of partially Finnish origin, did the local Hokey Pokey for the World's Worst. Which consisted of running long and flat stretches on a grey Sunday afternoon in a Vindobonian Suburb. This suburb comprises a big lot of various shopping centres, a motorway that runs mostly underneath the town centre (and that involved a lot of tunneldigging in former years), an astounding amount of building acitivity (appartment blocks that is) and just one main road through it all.

Luckily the car park was well chosen at the beginning of that very main road and off we went - or rather walked. As we all are getting older the speed of running constantly decreases year by year. The variety in the local scenery was the constant switching between motorway panorama, wide open fields, the local cemetery and building shells of appartment blocks. The Hares split the trail in a runners and a walkers section, at one checkpoint runners and walkers were coming along from various directions, for reasons never explained.

Leningrad Cowgirl, a blast from our Hashing past came by for the first time in a long time (ashes on my head for not recognising her) and Pocahontits completed the Finnish quartet by gracing us all with her presence.

There were three birthyear Hashers, namely Horsedick, Smoking P*enis and Mister Pink each awarded with Down Downs. Halfway normal-length circle and nearby Pizzeria for the OnIn ensuing.