Sunday, 9 December 2018

Visual proof

Much as it would be necessary to attend Hash runs on a regular basis to stay halfway in shape, family-related happenings and other social obligations (?) prevent one from doing so (Not that this is a bad thing per se, I believe that it is good and necessary to have a life outside the Hash (House Harriers)).

Anyhow, here are some more pics from recent meanderings:

It is, isnt't it?

A pig in the wood

Sankt Wolfgang am Wolfgangsee, wonderful area and lovely Christmas Market

Size DOES matter

For me to poop on?

A shameless beer commercial 

Riding the Scree 

This belongs to yet another GREAT dive near Vienna city centre 

I need to try this place out on one of my next tours 

Locked and shut 

And eventually, here is one of the true Hash Hymns (for the guys; I am still looking for a suitable equivalent for the ladies).

Monday, 3 December 2018

The merriest

The Vindobonian Christmas party has become a much liked traditon, and we were honoured that a delegation from our friends of the Zagreb Hash (thanks to Chief Ironhat, Sir John Shooter and their distinguished ladies) and Mindphuck, regular in absentia on her annual way from Tasmania to Great Britain  came along to party with us.

You must pay now! 

The same location as last year was used which is the Gasthaus Birner in Vienna's 22nd district. Beer was on tap, the buffet dinner started on time, the Old Skool Band with Hash Bass Player Septic Yank (still needs to slap the strings of his instrument) played for so everybody tried their best to dance the night away. And, another custom that has become a favourite over the years was the Moron Bros, Inc. photo and video review of 2018. Of course you had to be there to see all World's Worst Hash Happenings. But as a little consolation I can offer you some beautifully crafted pics of funny looking people. And the late Johnny Cash was sitting in with the house band. (see Examples three and four).

Example one 

Example two

Furthermore, the Awards presentation has also become an annual regularity. Here is the speech unabridged in all its beauty, written by - just about anybody.

The Ring of Fire, Example three 

Example four

Some parts of this speech contain inside jokes known mainly to Vindobona Hashers, others represent parts of deeply metaphoric wisdom. Be aware that the recitiation took part in a beer-induced atmosphere.  Lastly, all copyrighted material belongs to their respective owners. We tried our best to complete the jigsaw. The abbrevations MT stand for yours truly, TBSN for The Blessed Saint Norman, OVH.

Here we go.


Doing this awards speech gives us a bit of an ambivalent feeling. We all have been so much used to our Loving Cardinal Munk going on about who was hot and who was rather not in the past Hashing year that we took his so-called poetry for granted. 
This year our beloved Cardinal has decided otherwise. His first intention after registration opened was to hide in a telephone booth outside the Gasthaus for he wouldn’t want to get registered and, if temperatures were to drop drastically he probably would have taken refuge in the men’s room right around the corner. Please be advised that there might still a bit a risk that someone well known harasses you while you just want to relieve yourself after your seventh beer. 
And, dear guests and friends from the Zagreb Hash, he also mentioned that he’d wanted to meet all of you outside in the fresh air opposite of our warm and cozy party place for he wouldn’t have wanted to set foot inside here initially. So, if you want to have a smoke outside
and you happen to see a red-dressed man that resembles a Church like figure please don’t alert the law enforcement department right away, rather bring him a beer. And, aren’t we all happy to have our loving Cardinal with us tonight, giving us spiritual guidance by his presence? (which of course is our present).
Welcome to everyone and – enjoy yourselves, because it’s later than you think.


And now, let’s get on with the Show. 

You see an assembly of various Duck beauties waiting to be handed out to the deserving winners. Who will they be?

And the winner is ...

TBSN + MT (SN reads Basil Fawlty, MT reads the other two)

MT See if you can guess this famous duck conversation: 

Basil Fawlty: So, uh, this is your new menu.
Colonel Hall: [reading] Duck with orange; duck with cherries; duck surprise.
Mrs. Hall: What's duck surprise?
Basil Fawlty: Er... that's duck without orange or cherries.
Colonel Hall: I mean, is this all there is - duck?
Basil Fawlty: Umm... yes... done, of course, in three extremely different ways.
Colonel Hall: And what do you do if you don't like duck?
Basil Fawlty: Ah, well, if you don't like duck, uhhh, you're rather stuck.


Q: What did the duck say when he dropped the dishes? 
A: "I hope I didn't quack any!" 

We should not left unmentioned that we finally and eventually got rid of our very own Suffering Duck Multiple Entry, after many fruitless efforts. Although rumour has it that he might be coming back yet again next year. 

Two ducks are in a pond. One went "Quack quack!" And the other duck said "Thats funny, I was just about to say that!"


Let’s start off with the financial award. No entity and certainly no Hash Club, Worlds Worst or not, would function without a well lubricated wallet and bank account. Wer gut schmiert, der gut fährt, as they say in Teutonic language. The Hash fee remains at a stable four Euros (Shut your Mouth, you Scottish Miser!) and coming up with drink stops of all sorts has never been a problem. It should also be mentioned that the numbers of runners remains constantly high which provides the pecuniar means needed to be quaffed down at various stops throughout the Hashing year. 

Are you still with us? It’s time for another Duck joke

A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night. When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck, so they put the meal on the duck's bill. 

Coming back to business - Not only does our regarded Lord Glo Balls, OVH wear a Kippah for the annual presentation of the Worlds Worst Hash Finances at the AGM in November, he also successfully recruited a little group of reliable Helpers who all together are always there at the runs, ready to strip you of your last Shekels. 
LGB; please come forward to accept this really cheap metal plate to make your cashiers life decisively easier by identifying you right away on all future runs. Thank you for everything, you run the show and you pull all the strings. A BIG HAND FOR LGB; OVH PLEASE! 

Now go and look for a suitable translation 

Duckwise, we shall be starting off with the Black Duck award. It symbolizes the new Dawn, a person coming out of the Dark Room, making himself really popular amongst the Ladies. As every year, we have a wide range of candidates, such as Horsedick, Justin Beaver, Sperminator or even NullCommaJosef. 
Yet, after meticulous contemplation that lasted for an entire two seconds, the unanimous winner shall be - drumroll - WALRUS!!  (APPLAUSE)
Not only was he a complete newcomer to the World’s Worst Hash and successfully usurped himself into the rank of ViceGM, no! Much more than that. He was said to have made himself more than just most popular amongst the GOSH Harriettes in last October (how dare you, you rascal!) and did also get a mention for a more than ghostly appearance during one TGIF.

Let’s hear it for Walrus! Bravo!

The next one is the Holy Duck award. We had a huge number of astounding runs in 2018, such as TBSN’s birthday run in February, followed by a sumptuous party. Ice Queen and Primadonna came up with a superb run starting off from Hauptbahnhof, nearly leaving us behind on a motorway ramp, and the next thing we remember was a fantastic beer stop in the Böhmische Prater. Kudos for that! And, as annually reliable as the Old Faithful Geysir in Yellowstone Park, No Mercy Mistress came to our scrounging rescue with her Swimming Pool, Sauna and Barbecue run. One the highpoints of every Hashing year in Vienna! 
And the winner is ……   CARDINAL MUNK. In the August heat, he came up with a special Birthday run, followed by a wonderful party at his garden residence in Oak Ditch with full catering Service (for he truly is Rich in a Ditch). Please come forward and accept your award, APPLAUSE FOR CARDINAL MUNK!!

Following suit with the waiter duck award.
But - “If it looks like a duck and sounds like a duck, it could really be an ugly swan.”
This award goes to the person with the most thankless job on the Hash, the person who’s an absolute regular but is rarely noticed.
We have assembled a number of remarkable candidates, such as …
K’unt Lobau for providing his monstertruck to transport drinks and snacks during the Drosendorf weekend, 
Marie Tamponette for writing his Hashblog that hardly anyone reads, let alone understands (perhaps apart from that one loyal follower from the Pacific Island of Palau)
Pocahontits for constantly remaining a Finnish enigma
And the winner is …. MOTHER SUPERIOR, OVH !!

He always finishes with the most runs in a regular Hashing year and year in year out pours the Down Down Drinks. MOM come forward and take the Waiter Duck award.

Oh my, wasn’t that fabulous?
Let it be known to you that “Duck love is recognizable in any language.”
Next award to be handed out will be the Golden Duck one. We all know that silence is golden, but Duct Tape is Silver. And a mask of gold hides all deformities.
Yet, this shiny award will be received by someone truly special, a woman with a golden heart who brought much joy into our wretched lives.
The lovable Candidates are the following:
Lopsided Backside for inventing the Balls Advisory Ramification Committee, known as B.A.R.C. at the AGM one year ago, never to be heard of again and I am convinced that the BARC has been coldheartedly flushed down the toilets of our Hearts in the meantime.
Mindphuck, for bringing us a sunny smile from the Southern Hemisphere and for remaining the second last female GM of the World’s Worst so far.
Rowed Runner, for steering The Blessed Saint Norman OVH safely through the stormy waters of life.
And the winner is ………….
She organised a wonderful away weekend in Drosendorf, she retired as the currently last female GM of the World’s Worst before we could fire her and she simply is a charming person.
CASTING COUCH, please come and take your deserved award. APPLAUSE!!!

The two last female GM's of the Worlds Worst Hash

Why wasn’t the duck afraid to cross the road? Because he wasn’t chicken!

That’s another nice mess you have gotten us into, Norm!

Coming to the last three but by no means least three awards, the next one will be the Arab Duck (Yallah, Yallah!)
This one symbolizes the craving for far away places, the wish to go up and away but eventually staying put, in spite of everything.
In stark contrast to all previous awards and intending to put an end to this sillyness, I would like to present the award to the one and only deserving person, who is none other than

FLUSTER CHUCK – the leader of the Gang Bang Squad

We are privileged that they play for us year after year (are we really?) and Fluster Chuck keeps on saying that he will work in another country but apparently prefers to share the company of you all, at least once a year.

APPLAUSE for Fluster Chuck !!


The second last award, the Dirndl Quack, is one for the bean counters, the ones who have done most for the Hash in terms of setting runs and coming up with unusual and interesting new locations.
The worthy candidates are none other than –

Walrus – zero Harings
Oh S*domia – two Harings
Root C'Anal – three Harings
And the winner is …………..

ICE QUEEN (errr, I mean Holy Roamin’ Empress, OVH).
HRE and her husband never fail to come up with new and exciting run locations. The latest one topped it all, by making us run along the best nuclear plant the Ostrichland never had in Zwentendorf. Bravo HRE (and Bravo Slush Puppie!)

The end is near my friends, so lets have another Duck joke. Why do ducks have feathers? To cover their butt-quacks!.
We saved the best for last which is the Devil Duck award, all vicious and vile. It brings out the not so nice sides of the average Worlds Worst Hasher.
The following candidates stand for election:
Mother Superior – if you want a circle to stop you would have to kick the tray with the beermugs out of his hands
Richard Morehair von F-Kopf, OVH – we still need to find the off button to shut him up to end our circles before midnight.
After the last run in Bad Deutsch Altenburg, hared by Root C Anal, he emptied the ashes of the griller on the English-style Golf lawn of the family estate, thereby ruining approx 30 square meters. But at least the Dutch beat the Germans in the last soccer tournament called the Nations league. BRAVO RA FD, OVH . Come and get your award.

Once an angel, always an angel 

Don't touch that dial!

For official Pics of the party look here. 

Friday, 30 November 2018

Not quite sure

Of course I am an Ostrich and I should be supposed to know my way around the Vindobonian Area. Just getting to the Adress this run was starting from was a bit of a challenge for I would have been not much likely to find the place without a Navi app. What did one do in times where there was no Internet? Use your brains and read the roadmap properly. The adress indicated by the Hares did not even exist (no kidding) but a spot close nearby was enough to find each other, some sooner and some later. The term Böhmisches Dorf, used for "this is completely unknown to me" came to mind.

Victorias Secret and Nail Me were the Hares of the Day. Located not far from the U1 Terminus Leopoldau and at first running through garden areas, it was soon apparent that the main attractions to be viewed for the pack was the Großfeldsiedlung, kind of a satellite city which was built from 1966 onwards (Read about its history here). To my shame I herewith admit that I did like the exercise that this well laid run provided, but after a short while all this appartment blocks started to look the same for me and I felt like I was running constantly in circles, just my own two Eurocents of course.

What was very much likable were the drinkstop (glorious Schnaps) and a poetry stop (which in turn  is a reason to link the late Keith Moons such efforts). The later part of the run showed old parts and places of the Leopoldau, an area with interesting historical facts as well.

Back at the circle there were certificates for Lopsided Backside (200 runs completed), No BallsPrize and Victorias Secret (250 runs respectively). And, the merciful darkness stopped Moehair Richard Kopf from taking the circle into the wee hours.

Hvar er Snyrtingin?(Where's the toilet? in Icelandic)

Tiny Bubbler

Super, Superer, am Supersten :-)

Now, OnOn to the Hash Christmas Party tomorrow. Where's the toilet?

Wednesday, 28 November 2018


In the late 1970s when the World and many of us were still young (so much younger than today) Austrias only Nuclear power plant (or nuclear power station, as Lord GLOW-Balls, OVH would say) was built a bit outside the tiny village of Zwentendorf an der Donau and right next to the Danube river. The story of the referendum in November 1978 is well documented and remarkable insofar that the notion to put the power plant into action was rejected by a margin of just 30.000 votes and led to a constitutional ban of nuclear power plants in Ostrichland. Read about it here.

I like this new photoapp

Upon arriving I innocently asked LGB, OVH and DDr. Felch, OVH where they thought the nuclear waste was intended to be stored, the latter replied something like:"Well don't you see MT, look behind you, stupid! All this time, the river flows endlessly into the sea! The answer lies before your very eyes". In full humbleness I understood and - typical for Austrian popular culture - there was a neat little Gasthaus next to the Power Plant which was called the Bärndorferhütte, the OnAfter.  Another nice pack of 30 assembled and then the Chalk talk was given. The Hares explained that there would be a part of the run leading through a prohibited area in the forest where you could be fined so you had better run fast or just stay at the OnIn, right from the start.

Double fun

Young and athletic Family and Hash Hound Just Melios was my companion of the day and he successfully did me a great favor by pulling me along most of the run, for he is quite big, 11 months old, very playful and really fast. PUFF PUFF! Soon after the run start there was a designated nudist swimming area near the Danube river - obviously deserted in November - and then it was already on into the no-go area, which provided a normal running path and some forest. Nothing too special. And then - here comes the audacity! - Hares HRE, OVH and Slush Puppie continued the trail into a second prohibited forest area. Our fast runners Rear Admiral Flying Dutchman, OVH and Primadonna soon encountered a Forest Ranger who, in blunt words, told us to p... off and so everyone turned on their World's Worst Heels and got out of that area.

Reconciliation followed soon with a Schnaps Stop, much welcomed by all and then, in jubilant memory of sadist rundays of long ago (King Ralph! Stormin' Norman! El Nino!) a backwater of the nearby river, just without any water but loads of mud was chosen as a short stretch and I herewith thank Anita Hanjob for letting me have two of her pics to display. 

The short way back to the cars was highlighted by architectonic and culinary landmarks. After tasty cake and circle beer the On After took place at the aforementioned Bärndorfer Hütte. Well done folks!

Knock three times on the ceiling if you want me! 

Strange Brew 

Saturday, 17 November 2018

Inside and Outside

By giving the usual 2,3 seconds thought about a suitable header for this post, I came across a very interesting photosite (Moron Brudders, are you reading this?). Anyhow, here are some more of my humble efforts as of lately. Tomorrow, OnOn to a very special run in a once glowing area.

During the AGM run two weeks ago 

AGM supper 

The living questionmark? 

Not really genuine

Outside a restaurant

One effect of an interesting new Photo app

This belongs to a dive in Vindobona city centre


We three

Christmas markets have opened up again. This includes sampling of fine wines - a much loved habit for many years, together with the odd member of the World's Worst.

What goes in must come out again 

Thursday, 8 November 2018

They're coming to take me away

AGM day, always on the first Sunday in November. And for the seventeenth consecutive year at our own World's Worst Hash House, the Gösser Bierinsel in the Prater, near the Lusthaus. Ice Queen had reached the Landmark of 1000 runs with the VH3 a few weeks earlier (search the blog for that September entry) and an induction ceremony into the OVH was announced at the end of the Hash circle.

Quite a short and standard-type run was set by GM Casting Couch and RA Morehair Richard von F-Kopf, leading alongside and around the Lusthauswasser and, with the possibility for the walkers to get back early to the carpark. And then it was time for the induction OVH ceremony for Ice Queen. Here comes the unabridged speech, given by all current members of the Order of the Vindobona Hash:

(Masthead election results I hear you asking? Einmal der Gigl, einmal der Gogl.)

The Order of the Vindobona Hash during the induction ceremony for Ice Queen

CM Before this auspicious ceremony can begin, I must announce that the Heilige Vindobona has taken a short visit to the land of the Holy Sea. Its replacement is related but not in name, it is its left hand.
Procession (the newest OVH first, … the first OVH)
LGB:  Will the Hasher presently known as Ice Queen step forward!
(Heilige Vindobona Bearer – Mother Superior ( HVB) puts the Holy Vindobona (HV) on ground and escorts candidate to the centre of the semicircle)
 LGB: Will you please kneel before us!
( HVB helps push candidate gently to her knees……Returns to the HV)
MH: Today you see before you an elite group of members who have completed a total of over 8,000 runs. The Order of the Vindobona Hash is here to acknowledge another candidate who has reached the 1000th run plateau. The candidate must first answer a series of questions before she is accepted amongst our hallowed ranks.
It gives me great pleasure to see her squirm before our very eyes ( HA , HA, HA, etc Laughs evilly ).
Prof.DDr: You currently bare the name Ice Queen, but we need to find out if you are worthy as a Female Royal? Examination is required to determine if you are wearing a chastity beat and also to verify your vital statistics. Rear Admiral will examine the back whilst I will examine the Udderside (Takes out a straw and starts jabbing it everywhere on the victim’s body.)                                                                     
BSN: No no dear Professor, that is not the way to treat the coming OVH. Dignity is required. Particularly amongst the OVH English Gentlemen. 
MH :Lets get on with this damn ceremony! Otherwise Cardinal Munk will bring out his Gong.
LGB: Not before I inquire into the financial status of the Candidate. After all we just don’t take the riff-raff,.She should have aristocratic  lineage or other exceptional qualities.
May I ask as to how much you have in your investments? I will be needing another car in the near future…. Can you assure me tax free status for life ?
MH: Enough of the frivolity. The questions will be asked.  The Candidate will place her hand on the Heilige Vindobona and reply with “I swear” to the following inquiries.
(Mother Superior puts the Heilige Vindobona in front of the Candidate)
Rear Ad:   Will you show yourself gentle and merciful to the poor, the drunken ,all dogs (including Slush Puppy) and even those who are at the Rear end of the pack ?
                           I swear
MH    Will you excite the Harriers in the circle, so much so that they get a stiff … arm ?
                           I swear
RAd    Will you bring on appropriate occasions, barrels of the best beer in Vienna from Salmbraü ? So then we can Frig in the Rigg’n.
                            I swear
BSN    Will you watch out for appropriate landmarks upon the trail, including the passing of water and particularly the number 69 ?
                            I swear
MH And now the final 3 questions, after which the name will be conferred : 
CM:   Will you look after the weak and needy, those who have fallen on the ice, and most importantly will you continue to be the holy hash nurse visiting me in hospital ?  
                         I swear
RAd:   Will you continue to roam’n through various Countries, spreading the word that Vindobona is still the World’s Worst Hash ?
                           I swear.
Prof, DDr,    Will you continue to empress eggs with your anatomy your over Slush Puppies head and perform all ceremonies required of your position including greeting Kaiser Franz alias Franzl?                                                             
                            I swear  
CM:    Candidate IQ, you have proven that you are worthy of the stately honour of being one of the OVH. You are the first Harriette who has achieved this distinction and are therefore the first and fastest lady. With your new elevation of rank also comes new responsibilities… ? Wearing your articles of office outside of specified festivities is forbidden. Otherwise you will be eternally spanked with that board thing you so graciously gave us commemorating your 1000th Run
So by the Authority vested in me and in the name of the Holy Vindobona and the power that which drives us to drink,
 We now officially proclaim you as
                                                             "HOLY ROAMIN´ EMPRESS”
The HV is handed to CM by HVB who then taps, right, then left shoulder then rubs head then passes the HV on to the other members of the OVH to do likewise.
After this is done CM says,   " Arise and receive your articles of office!."
Prof,DDr, BSN, HM assist the Holy Roaming Empress with her clothing of honour
LGB and RAd then help pin on the medal of the OVH.
CM:  Holy Roamin Empress, Go forth and spread the good works of the OVH!
Open bottles of Sekt  

Holy Roamin' Empress, OVH