Circus of Becoming

AGM Day, Annual Grand Meeting, or AGPU, Annual Grand Piss Up like this assembly of remarkable weird was referred to at the Paris Hash in the 1990s came up. Following a long tradition (uninterrupted since 2002) the Worlds Worst Hash gathers in the depths of the Prater, behind the Lusthaus where the wonderful Gösser Bierinsel is located, a Gasthaus we most rightfully chose as our local Hash House.

Tradition and not rule has it that the GM and the RA set the run on AGM day and so it was to Moehair Richard Kopf, OVH and yours truly to come up with a little exercise before the long part of different kind of entertainment would start. Full credit goes to the Cohare Moehair (no pun intended) for he set the main part of that run and came up with the old idea of going round the picturesque Lusthauswasser again.

Greening the Scenery

A bit further on, in an adjacent part of the forest after storking over a lot of dead wood was a Whisky Stop. Pity that 95 % of the pack had already continued the trail so it was left to a precious few to sip genuine Scottish Whisky (Whisky or Whiskey is the question here!). After that short interlude it was on back to the carpark and the circle. Like the preceding week, there were several Hashy Birthdays to celebrate, so a bottle of Prosecco was presented and shared between a merry lot of 7 or 8.

Prost! 

In direct succession the next OVH ceremony was announced, this time for Free Willie. Read the unabridged speech here (or then and there):   

All the current members of the Order of the Vindobona Hash! 

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OVH HOLDERS
 LGB, CM, BSN, MH, RAd, PDF, MS,HRE, GMdTMT, PoB + Bearer of Heilige Vindobona JS (HVB)  (Joystick was absent)

Enter procession with LGB first

Semi circle formed wit PROCESSION h CM, HVB and Heilige Vindobona in the centre.

INDUCTION

CM. HEAR YE , HEAR YE ,FELLOW HASHERS!:

CM: We are gathered here to commemorate a historic moment in the annals of Vindobona history. For today we will induct Ronald „Free Willie“ Willis into the order of the Vindobona Hash.

LGB Being of very unsound mind and body, the heralded Free Willie is now the eleventh to have reached the 1000th run plateau. Like they say in Merry Old England, „if you made your first eleven, then you'd be sure to get to heaven“. With todays candidate in front of us I am not so sure about this wish to come true. After todays ceremony an OVH induction Siesta will be declared for the time being.

MH It is through his unbending will and determination, his blood, sweat and beers that has enabled him to obtain the heights of this great honour.

( CM will motion to the candidate that he should stand before the members )

CM Free Willie you shall now kneel before the members of the OVH for the purification stage.

FW kneels

This question is directed to the throng:

BSN IS IT JUST THAT THE CEREMONY OF INDUCTION BE PERFORMED ON THIS CANDIDATE? If so, Answer IT IS JUST!

and the despicable throng will answer IT IS JUST!!!!!!!!!

CM: Candidate , When we give you the sign of the Heilige Vindobona, you shall reply “I swear’

LGB :Do you swear that you have truly not offered Cans of cheap and warm Ottakringer Beer to anyone (including me) for the position that has been conferred upon you? YUCK!

RAd :Do you swear that you will always continue to blow your out-of-tune Hash Horn to lead the World's Worst Hash astray during the next four decades as well? Answer ’I swear’

HRE: Will you continue to lay much too long trails even though we all try everything humanly possible to prevent you from doing so? Answer ‘I swear’

PDF: Will you continue to tell and encourage others to listen to your jokes during our circles which are unfunny at a ratio of 99,9 % ? Answer ‘I swear’.

GmdT, MT Will you furthermore try to persuade everyone at the Worlds Worst Hash to make the umpteenth trip down to yet another Hash event in Payerbach to meet your buddy and Hotelowner Overworked and Underfucked? Answer ‘I swear’

BSN Do you promise to perform the All Blacks Haka to all the gapers in the circle just one more time? Answer 'I swear'.

MH Do you swear to try your best to uphold the centuries old Scottish-New Zealand ties? 'I swear'

And can you tell us all here what the town name of Dunedin (Gaelic) means to non Gaelic speaking Hashers? (ANSWER: It means Edinburgh, Dunedin is known as the Edinburgh of the South and twinned with the Scottish capital).

MS Do you swear to become as talkative and witty as me ?? (HA-HA!) Answer 'I swear'.

THE NAME

LGB We are content with the evidence given

CM In the name of the Vindobona hash and the sacred Pater Pivo, cleanse this candidate of his horrid wanking ways and guide him from his manic depressive drunkeness. Amen.

CM The candidate will forever more be called COURT JESTER, FREE WILLIE, OVH

We cannot say enough about the Court Jester, newest OVH!

The HV is handed to CM by HVB who then taps, right, then left shoulder then rubs head then passes the HV on to the other members of the OVH to do likewise.

After this is done CM says, " Arise and receive your articles of office!."

PDF, BSN, HM, HRE assist with his clothing of honour

LGB and RAd then help pin on the medal of the OVH.

CM: Court Jester , Go forth and spread the good works of the OVH!

Open bottles of Sekt

HRE You may now pour Sekt for your favourite Harriette, which of course means me.

Procession (the newest OVH first, … the first OVH)

AGM discussion time immiment! 

The actual AGM featured a new and half self-elected Speaker Barefoot (who did a grandiose job in conducting the ensuing voting chaos), various announcement, reports and long intense discussions about various motions which were presented to change and further develop our Worlds Worst Habits into the next Hashing year. Four long hours later I felt a bit exhausted but also impressed. Blimey! 

The memory of the Noble John Bercow lives on! 

Moron Pics made by their newest Member Horsedick can be seen here.

Windowshopping

They're coming to take me away

AGM day, always on the first Sunday in November. And for the seventeenth consecutive year at our own World's Worst Hash House, the Gösser Bierinsel in the Prater, near the Lusthaus. Ice Queen had reached the Landmark of 1000 runs with the VH3 a few weeks earlier (search the blog for that September entry) and an induction ceremony into the OVH was announced at the end of the Hash circle.

Quite a short and standard-type run was set by GM Casting Couch and RA Morehair Richard von F-Kopf, leading alongside and around the Lusthauswasser and, with the possibility for the walkers to get back early to the carpark. And then it was time for the induction OVH ceremony for Ice Queen. Here comes the unabridged speech, given by all current members of the Order of the Vindobona Hash:

(Masthead election results I hear you asking? Einmal der Gigl, einmal der Gogl.)

The Order of the Vindobona Hash during the induction ceremony for Ice Queen

CM Before this auspicious ceremony can begin, I must announce that the Heilige Vindobona has taken a short visit to the land of the Holy Sea. Its replacement is related but not in name, it is its left hand.

Procession (the newest OVH first, … the first OVH)

LGB:  Will the Hasher presently known as Ice Queen step forward!

(Heilige Vindobona Bearer – Mother Superior ( HVB) puts the Holy Vindobona (HV) on ground and escorts candidate to the centre of the semicircle)

 LGB: Will you please kneel before us!

( HVB helps push candidate gently to her knees……Returns to the HV)

MH: Today you see before you an elite group of members who have completed a total of over 8,000 runs. The Order of the Vindobona Hash is here to acknowledge another candidate who has reached the 1000th run plateau. The candidate must first answer a series of questions before she is accepted amongst our hallowed ranks.

It gives me great pleasure to see her squirm before our very eyes ( HA , HA, HA, etc Laughs evilly ).

Prof.DDr: You currently bare the name Ice Queen, but we need to find out if you are worthy as a Female Royal? Examination is required to determine if you are wearing a chastity beat and also to verify your vital statistics. Rear Admiral will examine the back whilst I will examine the Udderside (Takes out a straw and starts jabbing it everywhere on the victim’s body.)                                                                     

BSN: No no dear Professor, that is not the way to treat the coming OVH. Dignity is required. Particularly amongst the OVH English Gentlemen. 

MH :Lets get on with this damn ceremony! Otherwise Cardinal Munk will bring out his Gong.

LGB: Not before I inquire into the financial status of the Candidate. After all we just don’t take the riff-raff,.She should have aristocratic  lineage or other exceptional qualities.

May I ask as to how much you have in your investments? I will be needing another car in the near future…. Can you assure me tax free status for life ?

MH: Enough of the frivolity. The questions will be asked.  The Candidate will place her hand on the Heilige Vindobona and reply with “I swear” to the following inquiries.

(Mother Superior puts the Heilige Vindobona in front of the Candidate)

Rear Ad:   Will you show yourself gentle and merciful to the poor, the drunken ,all dogs (including Slush Puppy) and even those who are at the Rear end of the pack ?

                           I swear

MH    Will you excite the Harriers in the circle, so much so that they get a stiff … arm ?

                           I swear

RAd    Will you bring on appropriate occasions, barrels of the best beer in Vienna from Salmbraü ? So then we can Frig in the Rigg’n.

                            I swear

BSN    Will you watch out for appropriate landmarks upon the trail, including the passing of water and particularly the number 69 ?

                            I swear

MH And now the final 3 questions, after which the name will be conferred : 

CM:   Will you look after the weak and needy, those who have fallen on the ice, and most importantly will you continue to be the holy hash nurse visiting me in hospital ?  

                         I swear

RAd:   Will you continue to roam’n through various Countries, spreading the word that Vindobona is still the World’s Worst Hash ?

                           I swear.

Prof, DDr,    Will you continue to empress eggs with your anatomy your over Slush Puppies head and perform all ceremonies required of your position including greeting Kaiser Franz alias Franzl?                                                             

                            I swear  

CM:    Candidate IQ, you have proven that you are worthy of the stately honour of being one of the OVH. You are the first Harriette who has achieved this distinction and are therefore the first and fastest lady. With your new elevation of rank also comes new responsibilities… ? Wearing your articles of office outside of specified festivities is forbidden. Otherwise you will be eternally spanked with that board thing you so graciously gave us commemorating your 1000^th Run

So by the Authority vested in me and in the name of the Holy Vindobona and the power that which drives us to drink,

 We now officially proclaim you as

                                                             "HOLY ROAMIN´ EMPRESS”

The HV is handed to CM by HVB who then taps, right, then left shoulder then rubs head then passes the HV on to the other members of the OVH to do likewise.

After this is done CM says,   " Arise and receive your articles of office!."

Prof,DDr, BSN, HM assist the Holy Roaming Empress with her clothing of honour

LGB and RAd then help pin on the medal of the OVH.

CM:  Holy Roamin Empress, Go forth and spread the good works of the OVH!

Open bottles of Sekt  

Holy Roamin' Empress, OVH

Far from here

AGM Day is always something special, although in a different sense it is pretty much the same every year. I remember AGM days in the middle and late 1990s were held somehwere along Sieveringer Strasse, presumably being preceded by runs up the Cobenzl somewhere. There was even one AGM at a Heurigen in Perchtoldsdorf (my fault, I know) and after one or two such meetings at the former Gasthaus zur Reichsbrücke we successfully managed to institutionalize this event at the wonderful Gösser Bierinsel behind the Lusthaus in the Prater. Tradition also has it that the Hares are always GM + RA, perhaps the only occasion during the Hashing year that Richard Kopf will set a run voluntarily.

Frau Eva, our host for 14 years and her chef Jindra (Big Ben) are gone into their well-deserved reitrements, yet Herr Josef (Bier Herr) and the better part of the staff are still there and they were much delighted to see us again. Take into account that this place has been built/opened sometime in the late 19th century, there are simply not too many of these old-fashioned places around here any more.

The weather looked grimy with some decent rainfall so those who did not precede the run with a warm up beer inside the Gasthaus had been hiding within a small something that looked like a bus stop to me (Linie 77A). It was surprising to see Likk'mm around, a newbie called Lucky Me and the usual 25 or so AGM attendees (could have been more than that). In the rain Hares Multiple Entry and Richard Kopf decided to take the way alongside the Lusthauswasser and OnOnto a Ballantines Stop near the water, much welcomed by all. OnOn across the Aspernallee and a bit nearer towards the Prater Hauptallee. After a short swing across that main trafficless road it was straight on back to the carpark.

Me likeeeeey!!

No special happenings during the circle, yet at the AGM Casting Couch tried to get voted in as new GM, yet lost by a mere four votes to confirmed incumbent Multiüle Entry ("I promise more simplicity in the year to come!"), still CC get rewarded with the post og Vice GM. The usual other business with endless elections followed. Same procedure.Yet the Vindobona Hash will be hosting Eurohash next year. A very special occasion. Lots to write about in the weeks and months to come.

Assorted Moron Pics will be added when they're available. (They are now available).

Welcome to Funny Farm!

C'etait une bonne annee je crois

It is that magical time of the year when anybody who is anybody (which in fact is everyone at the Vindobona Hash) gets elected onto the Masthead to carry out all possible and unthinkable jobs that can crop up during the existence of a Hash Chapter. The run, to my mild surprise, was being set across the railway bridge leading out of the Prater (thanks a LOT, Hares!) and then through very much industrialized parts of the 11th district right near the Gasometer where a shortish songstop was crowned by Deodorants failing memory to come up with the right verses for the good ship venus. I honestly had no idea that this song was featured on a Sex Pistols record from 1979. Funny Punks.

The Song Stoppers Heart is yearning

A New Boot?/Guest? from the Tirana Hash was amongst the leaders of the pack and it was the last possible way over that ensuiung pedestrian bridge where the trail was leading back into the Prater. Who was it who took that winning short alongside with me? Our guest from Albania, together with the Third Child, Tickpleaser and Munk. The rest of the trail was as tasty as a Martinigansl at the Hash House. Guest/Regular Multiple Entry with Girlfriend Feel my Meat both ex Moscow and now New Delhi I suppose? graced us with their presence (which of course was our present) and, later at the circle, Mutiple Entry started to distribute a few nice looking Moscow Hash Tees to an assorted few.

Well, and the cameth the AGM. Multiple "Kingmaker" Entry won an initial vote over Standing there for the role of presiding officer to moderate the meeting, there were reoprts both from Hash Cash and GrandMeister (and yes, we ARE financially healthy) and then cameth the voting rites. To be introduced by a most fitting trumpet fanfare. (Yuck!)





Everybody who is anybody (i.e. all of us, even if they were not present) got awarded one post or another on the Masthead, with the expection of Squeeze Box Mama perhaps, who was suceeded by Root C Anal as Vice GrandMeister, Yes, and your Hero Stormin' Norman is going to continue for another year. His last one as GrandMeister, he says. Let's all do what we can to keep him and Lord Glo-Balls (OVH) in their respective posts, for the next 15000 runs perhaps.

On Out.

Typical example of a dispute during an AGM, maybe.

A saintly Ressurection

AGM day is here again and a year after I quit my duties it felt comfortable to take a back seat as a paying customer and watch the proceedings unfold. After having left our little daughter with her grandparents (mind you Fallen Angel will be running with us in the not too distant future) the arrival at the Hash House was marked by a BMW driver who displayed typical behaviour i.e. driving like a tw*t as the driver overtook us from the right in the roundabout around the Lusthaus and the driver was none other that the Famous Pimpsqueak.
Second impression was Mr. Sentimental Richard Kopf reminscing about the old times (again) and telling me what a different kind of terrain he and the dearly beloved Grand Meister St Norman have covered this time.
The run started a bit late and down towards the Golf Course and the Freudenau Horsetrack (from behind) with a few  interspersed Checkpoints that only the newbies to this area must have taken half-serious. In no time was the forest being left behind and thank you very much Hares for avoiding the forest for the next 25 minutes or so. Running alongside the Handelskai (a local mainroad) reminded me on Hashing in Rome many years ago when those bastards set many a trail alongside the city motorways (on the walkways of course).
Crossing the bridge on over to the Donauinsel, leaving that Pagoda behind and a little later on back towards the Prater, greeting a few latecummers such as Pussy Schumi, Whoppa and I thought that I might have seen Alice, probably a beerinduced Hallucination as he never was there.
After another and more pleasant while alongside the Heustadlwasser back towards the carpark (75 minutes in total) it was pleasant to see that the crowd must have easily reached more than 40 people.
Watch out for our friend Herr Josef (Bierher) to open the cricle in style:


Usual circle routine with Richard Kopf and Multiple Entry sharing things a bit and punctually at 5 p.m. it was on off into the Hash House.
Sly as Sex Energy sometimes is she, Casting Couch and myself took off shortly before the circle ended, the advantage were drinks more or less immediately on our table and some very nice Cevapcici also that Cordon Bleu looked fine to me. But of course one must not forget about those Martini Gansln.
To cut things short, after some encouragement St. Norman started the meeting and after the annual breathtaking and painstaking display of wot's hot and wot'S not by the GM, by Mr. Vindobona Hash LGB (OVH) and with the fine moderation of that guy we never seem to be able to get rid off (Mr. Multiple Entry) the elections were started. Were it not for Standing There (suggested new Masthead post of "Hash pain the the *rse" was neglected (UPDATE 18/11: Nope it was not, check out the New Masthead Page and see for yourself! ) everything would have gone down it's peaceful way. The delectable Casting Couch stood against St.Norman as Grand Meister and the outcome of the clearly (cough, gasp!) democratic vote was (please turn on drumroll before you read further)....




ST.NORMAN!!! Wahey! Sincere congratulations from your Hash Blogger, may you lead us up into so far  undiscovered and yet unknown heights of drunken depraved debauchery .

Musical recommendation of the day is Tito Puente, here teamed up with Celia Cruz.
Is saw these two back in 1991 in Rome, and that was one of the best gigs I ever saw.




On out, may the beerforce be with you for another year!