|You must pay now!|
The same location as last year was used which is the Gasthaus Birner in Vienna's 22nd district. Beer was on tap, the buffet dinner started on time, the Old Skool Band with Hash Bass Player Septic Yank (still needs to slap the strings of his instrument) played for so everybody tried their best to dance the night away. And, another custom that has become a favourite over the years was the Moron Bros, Inc. photo and video review of 2018. Of course you had to be there to see all World's Worst Hash Happenings. But as a little consolation I can offer you some beautifully crafted pics of funny looking people. And the late Johnny Cash was sitting in with the house band. (see Examples three and four).
|The Ring of Fire, Example three|
Some parts of this speech contain inside jokes known mainly to Vindobona Hashers, others represent parts of deeply metaphoric wisdom. Be aware that the recitiation took part in a beer-induced atmosphere. Lastly, all copyrighted material belongs to their respective owners. We tried our best to complete the jigsaw. The abbrevations MT stand for yours truly, TBSN for The Blessed Saint Norman, OVH.
Here we go.
For official Pics of the party look here.
Doing this awards speech gives us a bit of an ambivalent feeling. We all have been so much used to our Loving Cardinal Munk going on about who was hot and who was rather not in the past Hashing year that we took his so-called poetry for granted.
This year our beloved Cardinal has decided otherwise. His first intention after registration opened was to hide in a telephone booth outside the Gasthaus for he wouldn’t want to get registered and, if temperatures were to drop drastically he probably would have taken refuge in the men’s room right around the corner. Please be advised that there might still a bit a risk that someone well known harasses you while you just want to relieve yourself after your seventh beer.
And, dear guests and friends from the Zagreb Hash, he also mentioned that he’d wanted to meet all of you outside in the fresh air opposite of our warm and cozy party place for he wouldn’t have wanted to set foot inside here initially. So, if you want to have a smoke outside
and you happen to see a red-dressed man that resembles a Church like figure please don’t alert the law enforcement department right away, rather bring him a beer. And, aren’t we all happy to have our loving Cardinal with us tonight, giving us spiritual guidance by his presence? (which of course is our present).
Welcome to everyone and – enjoy yourselves, because it’s later than you think.
And now, let’s get on with the Show.
You see an assembly of various Duck beauties waiting to be handed out to the deserving winners. Who will they be?
|And the winner is ...|
TBSN + MT (SN reads Basil Fawlty, MT reads the other two)
MT See if you can guess this famous duck conversation:
Basil Fawlty: So, uh, this is your new menu.
Colonel Hall: [reading] Duck with orange; duck with cherries; duck surprise.
Mrs. Hall: What's duck surprise?
Basil Fawlty: Er... that's duck without orange or cherries.
Colonel Hall: I mean, is this all there is - duck?
Basil Fawlty: Umm... yes... done, of course, in three extremely different ways.
Colonel Hall: And what do you do if you don't like duck?
Basil Fawlty: Ah, well, if you don't like duck, uhhh, you're rather stuck.
Q: What did the duck say when he dropped the dishes?
A: "I hope I didn't quack any!"
We should not left unmentioned that we finally and eventually got rid of our very own Suffering Duck Multiple Entry, after many fruitless efforts. Although rumour has it that he might be coming back yet again next year.
Two ducks are in a pond. One went "Quack quack!" And the other duck said "Thats funny, I was just about to say that!"
Let’s start off with the financial award. No entity and certainly no Hash Club, Worlds Worst or not, would function without a well lubricated wallet and bank account. Wer gut schmiert, der gut fährt, as they say in Teutonic language. The Hash fee remains at a stable four Euros (Shut your Mouth, you Scottish Miser!) and coming up with drink stops of all sorts has never been a problem. It should also be mentioned that the numbers of runners remains constantly high which provides the pecuniar means needed to be quaffed down at various stops throughout the Hashing year.
Are you still with us? It’s time for another Duck joke
A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night. When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck, so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
Coming back to business - Not only does our regarded Lord Glo Balls, OVH wear a Kippah for the annual presentation of the Worlds Worst Hash Finances at the AGM in November, he also successfully recruited a little group of reliable Helpers who all together are always there at the runs, ready to strip you of your last Shekels.
LGB; please come forward to accept this really cheap metal plate to make your cashiers life decisively easier by identifying you right away on all future runs. Thank you for everything, you run the show and you pull all the strings. A BIG HAND FOR LGB; OVH PLEASE!
|Now go and look for a suitable translation|
Duckwise, we shall be starting off with the Black Duck award. It symbolizes the new Dawn, a person coming out of the Dark Room, making himself really popular amongst the Ladies. As every year, we have a wide range of candidates, such as Horsedick, Justin Beaver, Sperminator or even NullCommaJosef.
Yet, after meticulous contemplation that lasted for an entire two seconds, the unanimous winner shall be - drumroll - WALRUS!! (APPLAUSE)
Not only was he a complete newcomer to the World’s Worst Hash and successfully usurped himself into the rank of ViceGM, no! Much more than that. He was said to have made himself more than just most popular amongst the GOSH Harriettes in last October (how dare you, you rascal!) and did also get a mention for a more than ghostly appearance during one TGIF.
Let’s hear it for Walrus! Bravo!
The next one is the Holy Duck award. We had a huge number of astounding runs in 2018, such as TBSN’s birthday run in February, followed by a sumptuous party. Ice Queen and Primadonna came up with a superb run starting off from Hauptbahnhof, nearly leaving us behind on a motorway ramp, and the next thing we remember was a fantastic beer stop in the Böhmische Prater. Kudos for that! And, as annually reliable as the Old Faithful Geysir in Yellowstone Park, No Mercy Mistress came to our scrounging rescue with her Swimming Pool, Sauna and Barbecue run. One the highpoints of every Hashing year in Vienna!
And the winner is …… CARDINAL MUNK. In the August heat, he came up with a special Birthday run, followed by a wonderful party at his garden residence in Oak Ditch with full catering Service (for he truly is Rich in a Ditch). Please come forward and accept your award, APPLAUSE FOR CARDINAL MUNK!!
Following suit with the waiter duck award.
But - “If it looks like a duck and sounds like a duck, it could really be an ugly swan.”
This award goes to the person with the most thankless job on the Hash, the person who’s an absolute regular but is rarely noticed.
We have assembled a number of remarkable candidates, such as …
K’unt Lobau for providing his monstertruck to transport drinks and snacks during the Drosendorf weekend,
Marie Tamponette for writing his Hashblog that hardly anyone reads, let alone understands (perhaps apart from that one loyal follower from the Pacific Island of Palau)
Pocahontits for constantly remaining a Finnish enigma
And the winner is …. MOTHER SUPERIOR, OVH !!
He always finishes with the most runs in a regular Hashing year and year in year out pours the Down Down Drinks. MOM come forward and take the Waiter Duck award.
Oh my, wasn’t that fabulous?
Let it be known to you that “Duck love is recognizable in any language.”
Next award to be handed out will be the Golden Duck one. We all know that silence is golden, but Duct Tape is Silver. And a mask of gold hides all deformities.
Yet, this shiny award will be received by someone truly special, a woman with a golden heart who brought much joy into our wretched lives.
The lovable Candidates are the following:
Lopsided Backside for inventing the Balls Advisory Ramification Committee, known as B.A.R.C. at the AGM one year ago, never to be heard of again and I am convinced that the BARC has been coldheartedly flushed down the toilets of our Hearts in the meantime.
Mindphuck, for bringing us a sunny smile from the Southern Hemisphere and for remaining the second last female GM of the World’s Worst so far.
Rowed Runner, for steering The Blessed Saint Norman OVH safely through the stormy waters of life.
And the winner is ………….
She organised a wonderful away weekend in Drosendorf, she retired as the currently last female GM of the World’s Worst before we could fire her and she simply is a charming person.
CASTING COUCH, please come and take your deserved award. APPLAUSE!!!
|The two last female GM's of the Worlds Worst Hash|
Why wasn’t the duck afraid to cross the road? Because he wasn’t chicken!
That’s another nice mess you have gotten us into, Norm!
Coming to the last three but by no means least three awards, the next one will be the Arab Duck (Yallah, Yallah!)
This one symbolizes the craving for far away places, the wish to go up and away but eventually staying put, in spite of everything.
In stark contrast to all previous awards and intending to put an end to this sillyness, I would like to present the award to the one and only deserving person, who is none other than
FLUSTER CHUCK – the leader of the Gang Bang Squad
We are privileged that they play for us year after year (are we really?) and Fluster Chuck keeps on saying that he will work in another country but apparently prefers to share the company of you all, at least once a year.
APPLAUSE for Fluster Chuck !!
The second last award, the Dirndl Quack, is one for the bean counters, the ones who have done most for the Hash in terms of setting runs and coming up with unusual and interesting new locations.
The worthy candidates are none other than –
Walrus – zero Harings
Oh S*domia – two Harings
Root C'Anal – three Harings
And the winner is …………..
ICE QUEEN (errr, I mean Holy Roamin’ Empress, OVH).
HRE and her husband never fail to come up with new and exciting run locations. The latest one topped it all, by making us run along the best nuclear plant the Ostrichland never had in Zwentendorf. Bravo HRE (and Bravo Slush Puppie!)
The end is near my friends, so lets have another Duck joke. Why do ducks have feathers? To cover their butt-quacks!.
We saved the best for last which is the Devil Duck award, all vicious and vile. It brings out the not so nice sides of the average Worlds Worst Hasher.
The following candidates stand for election:
Mother Superior – if you want a circle to stop you would have to kick the tray with the beermugs out of his hands
Richard Morehair von F-Kopf, OVH – we still need to find the off button to shut him up to end our circles before midnight.
And the winner is – REAR ADMIRAL FLYING DUTCHMAN, OVH.
After the last run in Bad Deutsch Altenburg, hared by Root C Anal, he emptied the ashes of the griller on the English-style Golf lawn of the family estate, thereby ruining approx 30 square meters. But at least the Dutch beat the Germans in the last soccer tournament called the Nations league. BRAVO RA FD, OVH . Come and get your award.
|Once an angel, always an angel|
|Don't touch that dial!|