Sunday, 31 December 2017

Around and Around

Around the Ringstrasse in Vienna that is, dear Readers. Year after year the closing of the Vindobona Hash year is symbolized by and celebrated with partaking at the Silvesterlauf from a local serious running club. The trail leads around the wonderful Wiener Ringstrasse on a length of 5,3 kilometres and, after a few pull back and forth on the climbing rope years (which was and is always reliably provided by Mind the Gap), Cardinal Munk (OVH) cameth forth with declaring that "runners should take off from the Staatsoper building onwards". In reality that meant that those who wanted to run in half decency (JustIn Beaver, Kuty PI, Shake Rattle and Roll, yours truly, The Famous Pimpsqueak, Ice Queen and Slush Puppie) took off and enjoyed some running freedom that was unbeknownst from preceding years. When the self-declared runners crossed the finish line at least TFP and myself went back to help to "Nordic walkers"(Quote Richard Kopf (OVH) out by successfully pulling everyone onto the finish line and win a medal, yet again without paying the official LCC run fee of 25 Euros.

Circle was held outside Flanagans Irish Pub, garnished with Tasty Bloody Maries provided by the Cardinal and No Balls Prize. Festivities continued for hours inside the pub with a few late comers such as Victorias Secret, Rowed Runner and Deo. Lovely Guinness Beer and Fish and Chips rounded up the day, Moronic Pics to follow when they have been put up on the Photosite.

A very happy and healthy and Hashy New Year to all of you. May the beer be with you.

Saturday, 30 December 2017

There is a Dog

At the end of the Hashing one is tempted to look back (well, maybe some of you) and remember the funny and beer-filled times that running with the World's worst can bring. Do come back for more and help me rally for an increase of the Hash Fee ;-)

At the end of a dogs life it is time to reflect about all the joy that Hash Hounds can bring to this geriatric group. A special and loving mention goes out to the late Circle Jerk who passed away a few weeks ago and for years was an integral part of our Hash group. In the glorious year of 2007 on the occasion of our 25th anniversary with the Vienna Pipers blowing away the carpark of the Grüß-Di-A Gott Wirt  it was the heroic deed of the Blessed Saint Norman (OVH) who set out in the dark forest to look for Circle Jerk who'd gone astray/ran off in fear of the sort of fireworks and brought the dog back in the pitch darkness. God knows how the two had found each other. Another special and loving mention goes out to a couple of other great former Hash Hounds, namely the late Price Pisser and the late YAP YAP Otto von Pissmarck.   Not to forget those who still run with us, namely Just Villja, Just Billy, Just Lucky and Just Fintan (poor unnamed dogs). Dogs are great companions and yes, they do drink beer.

The late Circle Jerk

Another pic of the late Circle Jerk

Here is a repost of a dog-related anthem.

Tuesday, 26 December 2017

Eurohash Run day, report of run # 8 (and a wee bit of # 7)

This miniseries of run reports brings me to the one (acually two) which Casting Couch, Two Bob, Slush Puppie, Cardinal Munk (OVH), yours truly and some nice guy from Munich (of course he was a scot but I could be wrong) did reccie in our own backyard that is the Thermenregion, here consisting of the in betweens of Pfaffstätten, Gumpoldskirchen and Mödling. And that modest elevation which we refer to as our "Hausberg" of 640 metres altitude, the Anninger.

The carried out plan saw an 11 k run # 7 (I loved the motto that was pinned on the bus windscreen "Easy Does It", which is a wonderful song by Supertramp and a slightly longer trail leading up to the top of the Anninger and then back downhill to the spacious carpark of the Richardshof restaurant where the beer buses were waiting. Needless to say that this was another very hot day and I liked the fact that the three buses that were alloted to our runs parked in three different and nearby parking lots.

After short prerun explanations it was on off into the vineyards and futher on to some not so sunbaked running terrain that offered some spectacular views, lots of pics were taken and after a bit more than an hour it was beer stop time with cooled Ottakringer and plenty of softies and snacks. Word arrived that a Harriette had twisted her ankle (she actually broke it) so S.Energy, who came by to visit and myself went back to were we assumed where Cardinal Munk (OVH ) who acted as the run sweeper, the former Danish Harriette who ran with the Worlds Worst (and of course I can't recall her name) and poor Fruit Manager. Limping along slowly and very delicate we eventually arrived at the upper end of Gumpoldsirchen so an ambulance could be called and two brave ambulancemen arrived with an enormous wheelchair (look up a post from July called "Eurohash revisited" to see a pic). When poor Fruit Manager was wheeled downhill to the parked ambulance (the hill was way too steep for them to drive up) she could be taken to Baden hospital. S. Energy drove down to help her out with translation, waited since the plaster on her foot was ready and took her home to our place where King Ralph, on his way back from the Semmering runs, picked her up and took her back to her hotel in Vienna. Thank you S. Energy who was not even a runner but just a beer stop visitor.

The rest of the runs? Well, all 150 or so Hashers seemed to have arrived at the meadow near the carpark at Goldene Stiege in Möding, a massive thunderstorm came and went, Lord Glo Balls (OVH) rescued the rescuers after the ambulance intermezzo from a carpark in Gumpoldskirchen and seeing those three massive buses n a relatively small carpark was quite a sight.

When the circle ended also my share of Eurohash ended. I heard stories about more partying on Saturday night, a hangover walk on Sunday and again I was and still am amazed that we as the Vindobona Hash managed to see all this through. Thank you to each and all, the organsizers and above all the visitors.



Eurohash Run day, report of run # 2

Still continuing further on, here is a short and concise report of run # 2, done by the Blessed Saint Norman (OVH):

Our bus started promptly but there was a bridge which was too low for our double decker. So we had to start from a different point and hares had to rush off to set a new trail start. Their new trail involved going downhill on your backside . The walkers I took using a combination of preset trails so they were ok.
At the beerstop waited ages for runners and eventually carried on to the brewery. We were allowed 3 beers but some hashers could not count. Anyway great beer. Now it hammered with rain. The first batch of hashers had already left the brewery and were stranded in the bus.
Anyway eventually stopped raining so we left   the brewery for lunch. I found out that we had no wine on board so got some at the pizzeria. Then found out the spareribs overslept and arrived by taxi. So we ran out of food also and again got something at the pizzeria . Oral s? got lost coming along a straight road from the pizzeria so we had to search for her.
Now getting very late so we couldn't have the circle at the planned place and went back to the venue for the circle,
Quite an adventure but all were happy ... PROBABLY THE BEER!
On on

Eurohash Run day, report of run # 10

With the competent assistance by a bottle of cool Schremser Bier, I will follow up with the report of Eurohash run # 10, done by Wayne Fecksky. Here we go:

Eurohash 2017 – Run Number 10
Lobau Run

The Lobau Run is also known as the “last resort run” or the “I’d rather drink run”  or the “I slept in run” or the “I’m too hungover run”.  You guessed it, it’s the run for those that couldn’t get on the bus that they wanted or slept in or wanted a real easy short run.   The Wankers run!

However, No Mercy Mistress lived up to her name and, assisted by Lucky Me and Wayne Fuckski, set a trail to challenge and impose punishment on those accustomed to or wanting a half a kilometer run.

The event started with the Hares trying to round up the stragglers in order to count how many public transit tickets were needed.  That’s right, public transit was the deemed mode of transportation as punishment for these wankers.  But trying to round up this group was like trying to herd cats.   Fortunately, by the time all were rounded up for the count, an extra bus arrived, like magic.    Yeah!!!  Hail King Ralph!  Long live the King!  This last minute change was most appreciated by the Hares as well as the Wankers!

Now that we had a bus, we needed a bus manager.   The injured Lucky Me stepped in and took over as bus manager.  Lucky for us, Lucky Me had helped set the trail the day before and knew exactly where the bus needed to be for the beer stop and the circle.  But this meant that we needed a replacement on the trail for Lucky Me.   So MoM was recruited to help out.  MoM was to be the sweeper.

After making sure that there was enough beer and food on the magic bus,  we  happily boarded and headed to our starting point near  the U2 Stadlau station!    Minutes after leaving the  Eurohash venue, I received a phone call from the one and only Multiple Entry! “I’ve got someone who slept in and he wants to join your run.  Where are you?”.  “We’re on the bus on our way to the starting point”  I responded.  Luckily for the sleepy Jelly Belly, he was staying near a U2 station.  He was given instructions on where to go and told “good luck!”.

We were nearing our destination when a small problem arose. The road ahead had an underpass and it looked like the bus might be too high to pass under.  Our expert driver crept very slowly under the underpass.  Suddenly I heard a grinding noise!   The driver stopped.  We all listened.  It was a train passing overhead.  Phew!!!   The bus slowly cleared the underpass to the delight of all the Wankers.  Shortly thereafter we reached our destination.

Following brief instructions we started our journey down the trail. This group was quite happy to walk on this bright, hot, sunny day.    We can claim to have the youngest (2 kids) and oldest hashers in the group.  

The first third of the run, now turned into a walk, took us through pathways used by horse riders.  Watch your step!!!  Some of the “deposits”  gave a new meaning to “shitty trail”!   We walked through a few parks and a residential area and reached a beer stop after 1.8 KM.   As we turned the corner,  many were happy to see the bus under a large weeping willow providing some much needed shade.    The beer stop was at a picturesque pond with plenty of fish and a few ducks.  Hashers were given the option to stay with the bus and ride the bus to the end point or continue on towards the Neu Donau.

After the beer stop, about three quarters of the group headed out walking along a scenic area of Lobau and then into a very nice residential area with beautiful homes and gardens.  Finally we reached the Neu Donau and had a pleasant walk along the shore of the river. One Hasher took advantage of it and went for a swim!    We lost a few Hashers when we went past a Gasthaus.   A few went for beers others for ice cream.  But all eventually caught up.  Except for MoM the sweeper.   I  kept looking for him and wondered what had happened.  I received a call from Lucky Me, the bus manager, telling me not to look for MoM.  He was on the bus!

The last leg of the walk gave an option to cross over a bridge onto the Donauinsel and then back over onto another bridge to the mainland with an opportunity to watch the water-boarders demonstrating their skills on the Donau.  

We finally reached our end point.  That’s when I discovered that the bus could not make it to the circle.  This time the problem was with an overpass.  The bus was too heavy to cross the overpass.  Thankfully, a few volunteers helped carry the very heavy beer bags and food to the circle.

Luckily, we had a few experienced Religious Advisors with us who took over the circle.  Xyz from Perth did a wonderful job.  We were also highly entertained by one Hasher in particular (sorry, I don’t remember his name) who had a wonderful singing voice and led us on many songs. Many down-downs were had with MoM doing an expert job at manning the down-down station.   By this time, the skies were threatening and lightning could be seen in the distance. We boarded the magic bus once again and made our way back to the venue.  Five minutes into our ride, the skies opened up!   Once again we were entertained by the unknown virtuoso on our way back.

Oh yes….I almost forgot.   Jelly Belly did catch up to us.  Surprising, considering the pace of this Wankers run!

On On!!!

Eurohash Run day, Report of Ballbreaker run # 6

Saturday July the 8th, the day of the Eurohash runs. After a short delay of less than 6 months (remember, VDT, valuable drinking time) I am proudly presenting a few original run reports as I got them, done by the Hares of various runs themselves. My apologies to all the contributors of these reports for just putting them up now. A bottle of glorious Schremser Bier will be my assistant. No more gobbledigook, here is the report of run # 6, the Ball Breaker run, contributed by Mr. Pink:

While Vienna Hares MTG and Just in Beaver leisurely consumed their lavish breakfasts of beluga caviar, champagne, diamonds and whatever else it is the Austrian pension system buys its retirees every week, foreign Hare Sloppy Stool was rising from his night's accommodation beneath a disheveled bush in an unspecified 10th District park and in Bratislava Mr. Pink was looking at his sirening alarm clock with confusion, trying for all the world to establish just exactly what an hour starting with a zero actually is.


Once finally vertical, Pink joined the throngs of Slovak commuters heading over the border to sell gaudy cheap clothes to Burgenlanders driving tractors at the Parndorf malls, all the time trying to establish why – given just how far off the grid (of the public-transit vortex that is Niederösterreich) the start point lays – VH3 haven't set a Monday run in Hundsheim recently.

The Trail description had promised Austrian dungeon basement internment and, following a particularly sudden, violent and miasmic reminder of the previous night's diet, your humble Hare found himself prisoner in just such a scene in a (probably now closed by health-and-safety) Hainburg café en route to Trail – being released from his dank cell only after 15-20 minutes of banging, shouting and shoulder-barging a toilet door whose refusal to open at a convenient time means it has a great future as an Austrian supermarket.

Meanwhile, an entirely different shitstorm was manifesting in Vienna, as Hashers who had wisely identified R*n #6 as the weekend's highlight, were forced to flee to other buses, being sold on the not-so-subtle advertising point of those buses actually existing. (Even a promised foreign Hare got on another bus.)

Still, 20 minutes after the last bus to the lesser Trails had left, bus #6 rolled in to collect its passenger manifest of the Hares, the single-figure number of Hashers with patience known in Christendom, some poor unfortunates who had been thrown off of Bus #9, and one random who will forever thank Happy Feet for dragging him up the bus steps at the last moment. Finally, those who would become known as the Hainburg Twelve were underway, sitting atop a veritable treasure chest in beers:Hashers ratio.

Pink meanwhile was still making his way to the start, traveling backward along the first – VH3-laid – part of Trail and marveling at the fact a few of the Hares' marks had withstood two thunderstorms and the attention of local dog walkers, normally about as amenable to flour on their paths as VH3 RA XX is to buying a drink for another human being. Giving up and making his own (much more interesting, borderline suicidal) Trail past the Fliegerdenkmal, your Hare was happy to see the EH3 chariot pull up just 300 metres away. Unfortunately, each and every one those metres was vertical.

Thanks in part to a Chalk Talk which your Hare can only imagine is to be measured in ice ages, contact was made shortly before a pack in complete ignorance of what was awaiting them turned uphill and hit the first check. It didn't take the visitors long to decode the Hares' marking style from these circles, quickly deducing that after a first dash in each possible pathway in sight, a second would not be found until crossing into the next time zone. Pink, hanging back to commit the sin of working on Trail, took particular schadenfreude-laced enjoyment from the two Hashers from the States' unwavering belief that they were actually going to be taken into the Shiggy and their complaints at the Hundsheimerberg summit that they had yet to get a single check right.

After a brief pause to enjoy a view stretching from Hungary to the Alps, and the introduction of the word "Trumpanzee" to each Hasher's vocabulary (a mindless primitive orange creature, for the record), a welcome shady downhill followed, along with the worrying realization that after traversing just 20% of the Trail, we might actually have killed one of our Pack. It was with great relief then, to finally descend to the Kulturfabrik Bahnhof where our bus duly identified itself from the Postbus fleet in residence by displaying a golden carpet of cold Ottakringer cans before it. Never has this swill tasted so good.

It was here Trail improved immensely as Sloppy and Pink took over Haring duties, giving a refresher on the marks to look for and, at this exact moment, several things happened:

·       A look of horror etched itself onto the faces of the Hainburg 12 as they were told that no, this wasn't exactly the halfway point per se;

·       Secret Hare A.N.a.L. arrived from Czechia, because the 'merican quotient was apparently not already high enough and;

·       MTG, whose own anal preparations had seen him prepare a Trail description including to-the-millimetre GPS coordinates, was seen sprinting (well, an approximation of it) back 500 metres along the Danube Promenade having remembered he had not seen fit to tell the driver or bus manager where to meet us at the end…

After a brief meander through the maze-like centre of the beautiful medieval walled-town of Hainburg came a song stop in a hotel courtyard, as Sloppy, who had already dismayed rural Austria with his checkered facial hair, practically then dared onlookers to expel all foreigners from the country by leading the Pack in a bizarre chicken dance, which is probably some form of exquisite mating ritual in at least one Welsh valley.

Trail continued into a hotel lobby, with the Pack at first refusing to believe that ALL arrows were true, before immediately running inside and rejoicing at front desk as they watched the skies open and release the type of downpour that historically has seen people construct an ark to navigate. As the pack slowly emerged from the dry to brave the torrents of water gushing toward the Danube it was clear no marks could have survived and a bit of auto-Haring herded the pack to the base of the Schlossberg.

Refreshed and emboldened by the rain, or more likely by one-too many Ottakringers, the Pack, in its near-entirety, decided that they would take the 'Eagle' route to the top. This despite being warned the rock face genuinely was challenging (to both ability and mortality) and even more Eagle-y given its new slippery coating. Atop the castle walls the Pack took in the view of (a now even greyer) Bratislava, and while Pink went back to check the cliff was not strewn with the bodies of Hashers, the weight of his abandoned backpack became the subject of some debate. Obviously, our pack was as quick of brain as of feet, deducing that the only thing which could compel a man to bring something that heavy up such an incline must be highly alcoholic.

Out came the bottle. And then the next one. And another. And finally, another, as the Hainburg 12 quickly did the mental math which showed that this was a much better equation than dividing between 100 people. After a full-on smorgasbord of tasting the best schnapps the Slavic world can offer (blueberry was the undoubted winner) Pink reloaded his rucksack (which was now substantially lighter, but not the featherweight pillowcase he'd been dreaming of inheriting at this point) and Trail continued down beneath the shadow of fortress walls back to the Danube, where we picked up some now wet-throated members of the Pack who had shortcutted with the valuable insider information of a pub located on Trail.

Through tunnels cut into cliffs and along Danube beaches, the pack concertinaed together at one check, which was proving impossible to break, apparently because "it's the Danube, there's no way we are doing a river crossing…" Minutes later and after a quick collection of electronic devices into a drybag, and to the probable eternal dismay of a family of otters, several Hashers were near-naked and swimming across the lakes of the Au national park, while others braved the quicksand-like mud and submerged dam for a (slightly) drier crossing.

More uphill was waiting, more ruins with more Trailporn views of the Danube basin. The Pack called for an impromptu Schnapps Check and out came the bottles once again, and much rejoicing was had. Not least on the news that there was little more than a paltry 2 kilometres of Trail left… The first of those brought the pack to a check on a golf course fairway, with (now a hound) MTG at first refusing to cross for fear of being hit by a golf ball, before suddenly changing his mind and crisscrossing it collecting them like some crazed oversized kangaroo.

By now it was obvious, the only way was up to the road we could hear above us, although the traffic was drowned out by collective horror when the woodland path dropped downward briefly before one final check, with Trail emerging to present from nowhere a panorama of Pannonia and the most beautiful sight of all, a lot (and I mean a LOT) of beer. Bags of crisps were devoured as soon as they were opened, while MTG bragged about his golf course trophy, before dropping it and watching it roll under the bus and down Braunsberg as he chased forlornly in pursuit… A short circle led by Sloppy absolved the pack of all multitude of sins and removed this Hare's ability to remember individual Hasher's names for this write-up, sorry.

The bus was boarded and sent Vienna-bound, with MTG desperate about arrival times while forgetting just how late we had started. (He is of a certain age and had consumed half his own bodyweight in juniper schnapps.) I can't tell you how that bus ride went, as this Hare returned to Slovakia, but given how much alcohol had been consumed at this point, I doubt any one of the Hainburg 12, those unwitting Hashers who went for a walk but instead survived and conquered a ballbreaker (officially recognized), could either...

On on!

View the Trail here:

Relive 'VH3 EH 17 Hainburg run'

Friday, 22 December 2017

And a few pics

From Nashville to Wiener Neudorf back to Provincetown, Massachusetts. Thanks to those who made those shots (they know who they are).

Squeeze Box Mama seems to be somewhere in Nashville

Sunrise in Wiener Neudorf as being witnessed by S.Energy

And the Lobster Christmas tree in Provincetown, a contribution by Glory Daze

That's about it for now I suppose. But I'll be back, as they all say.

Do you hear what I hear?

Over the past few days lots of seasons greetings have been flying back and forth the blogosphere. May I join in the choir to wish and each and all readers, Hashers or not, a Happy Christmas time and a Great year 2018 to come. With full of demanding Hash runs and cool quality beer, naturally. And raise the Hash Fee at the World's Worst. A couple of well known Christmas Songs that have washed up in conversation were the following two ones:

In case you're wandering if this hymn can't be matched, listen to another one of my personal favourites:

Wednesday, 20 December 2017

Cha Cha All the Way

Quite a bit of catching up to do. Well, lots of valuable drinking time over the last few months and not so much likewise important blogging hours. I'll try to be better, if only for our good friend (?) Likkmm who seriously demanded the Cardinals speech at our recent Christmas party at a new location, the Gasthaus Birner in Viennas 22nd district, since our regular Christmas shelter, the Martinsschlössl has apparently ceased to exist. As a neutral bystander I can report that the beer was fine, food was aplenty, the Moron Bros Inc. (Inc. for Incompetent by their own definition) show was impeccable and the awards ceremony, as every year, was a memorable one. So here is the speech, straight from the horses mouth, unabrigded.

Mr. Pinks Prayer

Bloody Mary, full of Vodka
Blessed are you amongst drinks
Pray for me at the hour of my death
Which I hope is soon

Live on stage!

Laudations and bowntious greeting are sent to you by the Holy Father in Rome who wishes to congratulate to the Vindobona Hash on their 35 years of existence. He would also like to remind you that the Dodo Species was considered to be healthy until 1662, if you catch the Holy Fathers drift.

Before you feet start to fall asleep, I would, on behalf of the Holy Father and the rest of our Hash, like to thank the Organisers of tonights Gala, namely the Blessed Saint Norman (OVH) and Lord Glo Balls (OVH) with assistance from Rowed Runner and Nail Me. They have successfully found a new venue and although it feels strange and sad not being able to celebrate at our old haunt  - The Martinsschlössl – I am certain, the 4 chord “Gang Bang Bang” (featuring Chuckie, Just Ken, David  and Jimbo) will sound as good as ever in this new location (would it be possible to sound even worse?)  APPLAUSE FOR THE BAND!

I would kindly suggest that those who are NOT members of this Hash and are only here for a good time, should leave now because it gets deadly boring from here On In. Now that I’ve mentioned it, I think I’ll go with you! I’ve been working on this script for two days now and you think I could come up with something better than that. Well, I haven’t so take a good long pull on your beer and bear with me…

It all began in the winter. Can anyone remember anything besides MOM standing on the cold in his shorts? Anyone remember the frozen Vineyards of Kuchelau? (If you are expecting a slide show to appear in the background don’t hold your breath). How about the Grüss-Di-A-Gott Wirt for the first of three times? My memory is numb around this time of year because I start my 2 and half months abstinence from alcohol. Everything becomes white and beautiful – in it’s own way of course …      Then there was Eichgraben for the first of two times (Oh Sodomia!). The Gießhübl Kuhheide, the beautiful Nussforfer Wehr and our first Heurigen Stop of the Year.  I was drinking again. How about the spiritual Easter Bunny run, and then our traditional Monday opening running up the Hermannskogel – where? – the Grüß-Di-A-Gott Wirt. Naturally. Don’t forget the blow jobs by the Vienna Pipers for our 35th birthday party. Now the fun begins.

The fantastic backyard run brought to you by my favourite Mother and her two charming daughters in Bad Deutsch Altenburg, the King Gook Memorial Run in Laxenburg with Salmbräu Beer in real Glass Mugs courtesy of Ice Queen and Slush Puppie. No Mercy Mistress’ Party by the Pool with leftovers from her sons birthday. The fantastic freezing cold but no rain this time  Bar-B-Q at Just-In-Beavers Villa on the Donau Oder Kanal. Casting Couch’s Golden Stairway and not (Thank God!) Golden Shower Run. My Pints birthday run with grilling under the stars on his great deck in the woods. ….   Man we have it pretty good don’t you think? Grüss-Di-A-Gott Wirt for the third  and final time with election predictions and Victoria’s Secret Birthday run with old and new and Nail Me’s house for beer stops. The AGM with “MeToo” results and, finally here….

There were over 58 runs and I haven’t even included the weekend PGAE extravaganza as well as the Eurohash and the Zillion cans of leftover Ottakringer. That will be covered a bit later by the Blessed Saint Norman (OVH).

All of these runs take time, dedication, commitment, and love for our Hash. We had high water marks in 2017. MTG became Prof. Dr.Dr. Felch (OVH) after reaching 1000 runs. Ice Queen, Free Willy and Slush Puppie hit 900, Root C, King Ralph, Joy Stick and Sex Energy passed 600 and MOM is still MOM. And everyone who came regularly contributed by setting more than one run…. with the exception of two people, both of them having  a combined total of 76 runs but not one run set. Sad but true. No need to mention names here because we are On-On to the awards….


If it seems odd that the same people get all the awards year after year, then there might be a reason why it is so. Perhaps they put a lot of time and effort into our Hash…   of perhaps they pay me off.

The original awards were called “the Golden Beer Cans” and were sprayed gold and got labelled by the late and great King Gook. Somewhere along the way things changed to medals and trophies. Tonight, the awards are sponsored by the Vatican and the Holy Father. Each one of these medals was selected by yours truly but because we have not raised the Hash Fee and our Hash funds can only go so far, we have limited the numbers of recipients  (winners). These items of honor should be worn proudly at Hash functions, particularly at funerals and Miss World Contests. If you fail to receive an award this year – tough – better luck next year – if there is a next year.

The first award is for best run

We had many beautiful runs. 3 Hares set over 10 runs alone! Thank you all very much! Mr. Pink thinks he deserves this award, but he isn’t going to get it. Others thought the run in Siegenfeld with the most embarrassing wedding proposal ever witnessed by mankind, should win. This is for the best run in Hainburg – The Ball Breaker – and also but for his organising (organ sizing) all Hash runs, and setting 10 others on his own  – Prof. Dr.Dr.Felch  - this is yours – Congrats!

Moral: It is bad luck to take advice from insane people!

The next award is for Consistency

Being on the Hash for almost every run, helping with pouring beer, being silent and understanding – do you understand me ?? – This one goes to MOM – what, he is not here??

Ok then it is yours RootC!

Moral: Rapists should be castrated at birth.

This one is done the most for the Hash

Well it is pretty obvious who gets this, man! Who finally got rid of all the dreaded Ottakringer? No one but the Flying Dutchman.

Doctor: I have some good news and some bad news.
Patient: What’s the good news?
Doctor: The test you took showed that you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: That’s the good news? What’s the bad news`
Doctor: I forgot to call you yesterday.

This award is Pain in the Rain.

Remember SB Mamas disaster? The entire Hash huddled in the Arenberg park under a Mushroom structure with a homeless person – in the pouring rain. We ran 100 meters and gave up – But there was rain that was far worse – in Rodaun – God – what rain! – Where was the RA? Who set this? Hot Property!

The Ingratiation Award

We have got to to brown nose to this person all year long so that she will invite us to her pool. This year she gave us the leftovers from her sons 30th birthday (Kosher?). I mean, does it get and better than this?? (EEK EEK!!)  No Mercy Mistress – Nice Hat! Would you remove your hat please?

This award is called “What do you get when you cross a Dutchman with a Finnish Woman? Horse Dick!

This award is the “I think I know your face – have you ever sat on my face before?”. It’s like our former GM Duck who kept coming back , and back, and etc. She’ll be here for a short time only – The Great Mindphuck!

And finally (maybe not)N this is the biggest award of the night: this is about self-promotion and self-implosion. The biggest Fuck-Up of all time. Group pressure has forced me to give the Cluster Fuck award for the PGAE 5.5.

The whole group of Sugar Daddy, Sugar Cum, Steamback Mountain, Alrightke + Offlimits!

But before we go we have a few special awards.

The prediction of the Austrian Elections was done by mixing alcohol of all the political party colours – I haven’t a clue what went in that toxic concoction – but it was done democratically. The election Cocktail an their prediction was correct. We elected drunks! The clectio ncocktail award to IG + SP.

As always I think that Anita Hanjob does the best Shirt designs. And she does. But this time different shirts were produced with print that hasn’t come off – yet! Great Job Barefoot!

How could I forget our Moron Brothers? It's easy! Nevertheless I have to give them something, one is my Holy Acolyte! Congrats and give this to your brother for being the Hash Flash. 

Departing Joke – Much too long a presentation