A wedding reception and a Cardinal's speech

Due to different commitments and obligations I had not been able to do a Hashrun in two months. That will soon and hopefully change but is of no importance to this blog. In the meantime, there was this GREAT and well-attended wedding reception starring Herr Grandmeister and Mrs. Multiple Entry in Bratislava at the beginning of October. I have successfully managed to get my greedy hands on the Cardinal's (OVH) speech which I have the pleasure to present here for all posterity, unabridged:

"Faithless Flock!

Before we begin the ceremony of marital bondage, I would like, on behalf of our loely couple, to extend heartfelt grettings to all who have traveled so near and for this joyous event. Many of you have come from distant parts of Europe, from Russia, and Japan. Others have come from Canada, Lompock, and Kuka manga. One person, I am told, has even come from that despicable city of Cleveland Ohio (God save his soul!). Welcome one and all!

So without further ado, let us start the sacred ceremony.

     Dearly Intoxicated!

We are gathered in the presence of this rbble to join this man (?) and this woman in Holy Matress Monkey. Attesting to their dreary and lonely lives, they have now resolved to end their plight by going home together and getting lucky every night without the need for self-gratification or technology. We have come to celebrate the end of their wayward and degenerate lives and cheer them into co habitational, marital bliss (I think I need a drink!)

If any man can show just cause why they may not lawfully be joined together, let him speak now or forever hold his peace... Or talk to me in the lobby after the ceremony...

Donald, Le Canard (car-narr) confit, Le canard de Pekin, Le anard assis, Le canard Mat, villain petit canard, Le canard siffleur, Le canard caoutchouc (kau-chouc), Le canard domestique, Gautierer!

Do you take this woman to be thy wedded wife, to love her, to comfort her, to honor her in sickness and in health, even on bad hair days and good, until the beer runs out? (Please don't quack).

(I do)

Lena (See paper) Bottle of Vodka,

do you take this man(?) to be thy wedded husband, to love and comfort him, honor him abd keep him in sickness and in health or at least until something better comes along?

(I do) ... you bet you do...

Who is given this woman to this man? (sponsor of bride leads to minister - right hand of bride to right of groom).

Repeat after me

I, Donald Duck, take you, bottle of vodka, to have and to hold from this day forward for better or for wordse, or at least until my bank account runs out. Unto thee I plight my troth (whatever that means).

I, bottle of vodka, take you, Donald duck, to have and to hold fromt his day forth for better or for worse and I hope to god it is for the better!

(best man gives ring to duck left hand cha cha cha)

Beer Prayer"